Reformed smokers are the FRIGGIN WORST! So, as one, I can say this: Ms. Olsen shouldn’t smoke so much. Just saying. Bowls of cigarettes? That “IN YOUR FACE” approach to things like this never end well.

Reminds me of the last time I ate at Taco Bell.

This is all fine and good, but anything beyond the minimal cost of cremation is a fleece. The meaning of one’s death is born in the hearts of loved ones left behind, not in the marketing of a creative funeral director.

Ohhhh, sweetheart, that size sweatshirt is for skinny people. (I’m an adult, and we were in a Costco.)

I would like to see a series of articles from Spencer Pratt describing his investigation “Straight Man Tries Gay Sex.”

Julianne, you better watch your damn nerve. Okrrrrr.

He should, indeed, slay salmon with her. And film it.

Forget the knife. I want that tomato. Dang, so meaty and fresh! Where did that come from? Johns Island, South Carolina? Certainly, that is a Johns Island tomato.

Scrolling. Scrolling. Scrolling. Scrolling. Panic. Scrolling. Wailing. Scrolling.

The disdain is mutual.

Bush did 911. There was a man with a gun on the grassy knoll. Twizzlers are made of actual wax. Ted Cruz is a transvestite.

In spite of the time it took you to compose your reply, I still hold that those weapons that are specifically designed to wreak maximum havoc and destruction should remain in the hands of the military only.

*slap* Mickey, calm down. Stop it. Be quiet. Stop! What did I tell you about ranting and raving? You’re acting like a child, now stop it. Now, go take your nap and hopefully when you wake up you’ll be a responsible and reasonable young man.

Contrary to his cry, “I’m okay. I’m okay”... he clearly is not okay. Who in their friggin right mind is going to do this?

This particular baby was taken away from me at an early age because I could not control his far left liberal rants on Gawker media.

This is clearly one of those situations where I will not see your point of view (quite frankly because it is bullshit), and you will not see my point of view. So, I’ll just nod politely and grin.

I did not eat the dingo. My baby ate the dingo. Please do not hold me responsible for the actions of others.

I do not agree, Robb. People, in a fit of rage, don’t go grab 2lbs of ground beef and savagely murder an innocent victim. People who are intent to do criminal activities don’t use a motorcycle as a weapon to rob and then kill a convenience store clerk. People who want to terrorize communities do not mutilate the…

What reasonable person needs such a horrific weapon as that? I do not understand this kind of gun enthusiast. I don’t understand.

Curse you, Republicans. You feed the truthers. You intentionally feed them.