These are not the 72 virgins they were expecting.

Take them to school, dipshit.

To use the “Ship of Theseus” paradox, if a 250k mile car has had every wear component replaced, does it still have 250k miles?

Exactly. Especially that of this asshole:

Pretty much all decisions made in this.

Local sources report the truck was carrying a load of blue pills over four hours ago. The truck was empty at the time of the ramming causing locals to speculate that the truck was on its way to the mechanic to diagnose its erection issues.

When I had GM products it was Advance Auto or nothing for me. The reason was they carried a lot of AC Delco parts. Anyone who owned a 3gen F-Body knows you will burn up alternators almost annually. The AC Delco ones seemed to last a long time and came with a lifetime warranty. Just photo copy or scan your Advance…

Gizmodo: Chrome uses too much RAM.
Jalopnik: RAM uses too much chrome.

As someone who always wondered where the Aliens came from that was a great movie. I still don’t know where they came from, but I no longer wonder because I know the answer is so dumb it isn’t worth caring about anymore.

You had one job!

So let’s see if I’ve got this straight: the security guard didn’t notice for two hours that a family was roaming the lot, opening and sitting in cars, etc., after all the employees had gone home?

The dealership offered an apology in the form of 10% TruCoat

That's a pretty stupid question...

Coincidence?

Oh, god. That Flea has dogs!

“OK, listen, here’s my idea for the movie. InGen finally gets wise, realizes that all these genetically-engineered dinosaurs are nothing but trouble. So they get into engineering farm animals to yield extra meat. Give them twice as many muscles. So they start with pigs. But then you have all these huge, super-muscled…

I was thinking Outback.

I think a more appropriate form of torture would be going furniture shopping with these two in their Camry.