Diamonds Are A Crime Against Humanity™

Stanley who?

Fuck off dude.

I judge people so hard for getting cute with these messages. If I’m writing you a work e-mail it’s because I don’t know you that well (otherwise I’d already know you’re not around) and something that’s ordinarily your responsibility needs to get done quickly. I just need to know who to talk to if you’re not going to…

This take is only slightly less worse than white nationalism.

You’d have read somewhere that he was on Celebrity Big Brother 6 and you’d have gone “Oh yeah, I remember him, thank God Dave Grohl got out from under that train wreck,” which is what I say every time I think of Kurt Cobain anyway.

Bands you loved that are actually bad: Nirvana

“Painstakingly” is probably the wrong word here.

You wouldn’t believe how many forms they make us fill out.

Better than any BMW owner deserves.

“Lock her up!” - Tireless Defenders Of Presumption Of Innocence

RICH PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS

He sat on his right hand in the on-deck circle.

This is like a Chuck Norris joke but funny

“Ass ... I could eat an ass for hours”

Jesus Christ, is that true?

Have you met more than two Americans?

Jersey is Satan’s armpit. Jacksonville is the ball and section of scrotum that sort of squeezes up next to his dick when he crosses his legs. Pensacola is his taint.

All it does is trick you into buying ≥ 5% more than you would on a typical Target run.

All it does is trick you into buying ≥ 5% more than you would on a typical Target run.

They’re probably making that face because they can smell each other.