McDonald’s chicken sandwich is terrible. Actually terrible! I’ve never had a less enjoyable fried chicken experience.

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Christopher Reeves

Every day I try to complete the New York Times Spelling Bee game and all three of their sudokus.

Better late than never. Fuck off anyway!

No, again, I hand out candy, not autumn-themed suppositories

No, again, I hand out candy, not autumn-themed suppositories

The houses that deserve to get egged are the ones handing out loose handfuls of rancid sugar nuggets instead of actual candy

The houses that deserve to get egged are the ones handing out loose handfuls of rancid sugar nuggets instead of…

You can go straight to hell

You can go straight to hell

Reese’s pumpkins. Exact right texture of chocolate and chocolate-to-peanut butter ratio.

Reese’s pumpkins. Exact right texture of chocolate and chocolate-to-peanut butter ratio.

This comment is one in a million

[This comment censored by Hulk Hogan]

Maserati - Living Cell

I can spell all these fine all the time, so maybe it’s just that people who think of themselves as smart but still use Twitter are actually not very smart

Great, now I have to jerk off.

+1, have a Cigar

Donnie Baseball turning two as a lefty third baseman:

“The troops” my fucking ass ... they were CIA black ops guys at what was supposed to be diplomatic outpost and the locals figured it out. Jesus Christ.

Really really really really love recommending this band to people

Firebreather - Closing Gate