A whole article about pretending to drink.

My grandparents used to take me to McDonald’s every Saturday morning and get me hotcakes. They’d just order coffee and get extra single serves of half and half, and let me just knock them back the whole time we were there. They must not have seen anything wrong with it because they weren’t exactly shy about expressing…

Q: What do you call one dead billionaire?

Let them order pizza. That way you can find out whether they like pineapple so you have an excuse to leave them on a stranger’s porch.

There’s no air in space, libtards. That’s why the Air Force isn’t allowed up there.

Please read this profile of WV state Sen. Richard Ojeda, retired Army major and congressional candidate who’s making Trump country rediscover the labor struggle and rekindling its alliance with the Democratic Party:

Ah, the Schlafly Doctrine: A woman is only allowed out of the kitchen to stand at a podium and tell all the other women to get the hell back in the kitchen.

The fact that a woman was shouted down and required a security escort for departing just the tiniest bit from orthodoxy on women’s issues would give conservatives a lot to think about, if conservatives ever thought about anything.

NAMBLA hasn’t hurt nearly as many kids!

That mouse is old enough to vote while drunk.

A total buzzkill nobody listens to even though they’re consistently right.

Hooker piss smoothies are the fountain of youth.

Dude, these goons bitched for years about Hollyweird limousine liberals up to, including, and after the time they voted for a reality show star billionaire playboy president. It’s almost unfair to expect any internal consistency or logic to their actions, on account of how stupid, cruel, and goony they are.

I text the way I communicate in every other medium: Tersely, and only when absolutely necessary.

There is no ‘best’ anything on SVU. SVU was crap.

The Lifecycle funds made me a lot of money the last couple of years, but it looks like the party’s over for now. Foreign indexes tanked again overnight. Time to retreat to a conservative strategy. I’ve heard too many of my colleagues talk about their TSPs losing half their value in 2008.

Last week I had a bad feeling and reallocated 90% of my TSP contributions to the G fund, up from 46%. I feel like a fucking genius.

Imagine repeatedly and completely failing to make funny jokes at the expense of people from Boston and Philadelphia.

I prefer to force myself to be more conservative in my spending by taking zero exemptions and end up getting a windfall at the end of the year, rather than tricking myself into thinking I have more money than I really do and ending up owing the government money besides. I don’t see how any rational approach to…

I prefer to force myself to be more conservative in my spending by taking zero exemptions and end up getting a…

No, just anchovies.