[Cornell and Roger Ailes sit in Charon’s barge, and open their complimentary meals.]

Nintendo showed the first glimpse of Splatoon 2's single-player mode, called “Hero Mode,” at the end of today’s Nintendo Direct. This is where all the “Squid Sisters Stories” stuff was leading, as you may have guessed. Since the original Splatoon’s single-player was excellent, I have high hopes.

White person chiming in to also cop to owning a sword. My reasons have more to do with ancient assassins who might crash through my windows at any moment and the endless arguments with my wife about why we need a sword in every room of the house.

Dear Kellyanne,

Log Date, 051717:

I hope you’re ready for Kingdom Hearts 2.73 e^22: Cucumber Salad Memories

No! Violence is not the answer! (run them off the road) You should call your congressperson, or write strongly-worded letters to them voicing your concerns (make them pay).

It really does go too far. Because only one of them is assured of health insurance in the event.

“I don’t think—that’s not a threat. He’s simply stated a fact...”

I feel like it will be neither jail nor rage stroke (though rage stroke would be the most efficient). I feel like it might go down like the Warden’s final scene in The Shawshank Redemption--

“Trump had no intention of going that quietly.

Don’t forget that Trump was also the candidate who wouldn’t get involved in military actions overseas too.

His health should be a legitimate concern right now (though wait, maybe “concern” isn’t the right word).

“rage stroke out” is how I usually masturbate after a bad day in the office 

Both. Can he have a stroke while in custody?

*hearts in her eyes for you*

I’m a queer woman. I also worked on a school newspaper. I absolutely would have posted this letter — though I would have prefaced it with scathing commentary — because I feel that people need to know that this sort of bigotry does exist. And this is even more important when the person espousing those beliefs are in a…