Theory: These fan theories are stupid and always a waste of time. And not even the fun kind of “stupid and a waste of time”. They are just a bunch of random made up shit and lame jokes thrown together and never make any sense at all.

What should, but probably will not, be part of the investigation:

This whole Twitter thread of horror authors talking to each other is great, but these two in particular are appropriate:

On the one hand, I agree with other posters who have said pay it and be done with her. On the other, this seems like passive-agressive bullshit.

What you should do is start talking to your other friends about how cheap she is behind her back. Really build up some animosity. Then if you ever go out together again, ask for split checks, but only 2 of them. One for the table and one for her. And if you’re in line for coffee tell Claire and Alice to go ahead and…

Pay the $20, and never have anything to do with this woman again.

Right?!

Forget the dumbass memes of sharks on the freeway.

I’m taking this news rather hard. Even with stiff competition from the Internet, I never thought this day would come.

RIP CEO Of Tits.  You will be remembered fondling....I mean fondly. 

If I take a single piece of bread, and put something on it, and eat it, it is not a sandwich.

Yawn. Your moral outrage is noted, and rejected. Do you know how many Black people died with N!@@er being the last word they heard? Get off your high horse. It’s not just some verbal stupidity when a white person calls a black person the Nword.

I would be delighted to see they brought hot dogs.

Exactly. Thank you. Finally someone who understands non-Euclidean geometry.

The Finale:

Sounds like they are Queening house.

A good blackbean burger doesn’t try to taste like meat, it tastes like its own thing that also is good on a bun with toppings.

The greatest trick the vegetarian devil ever pulled was convincing the world that vegetarian varieties of meat-based menu favorites had to be created.

I still don’t get why people are acting like Lauer’s firing comes as some sort of a shock. The only shock is that he was allowed to do this shit for as long as he did. The man is a true piece of shit in every way, and perhaps the hackiest non-Fox News anchor around.

I started homebrewing 6-7 years ago. I quickly became obsessed and wanted to be a brewer. I set my goal to be a brewer at the biggest craft brewery in the land, which we remain nameless. I quit my job as graphic designer to get my foot into the door of a brewery. Once I got in, I learned as much as I could. I hung…