If it is a troll it’s wasted, because who can fucking tell any more. Child services should probably still get involved because this kid's parents sure seem like active drug users.

I’m the eldest of four and bought myself a jumper that says Version One. I think it's hilarious. My siblings, not so much. Didn't think to put it in my actual name though. 

How People Dressing Themselves Became a Means of Self Expression

Tyra reminds me of a girl I went to school with who freaked me out, because you could never tell if she knew exactly what she was doing, or was completely fucking batshit. It’s a very effective manipulation technique. For this reason, and the fact that she just seems to really enjoy torturing young women, I find her…

This is tangential but also why I always get pissed when people brag that they've never taken a sick day. Like, dude, there were probably a few days when you should have. Sick leave isn't just for the benefit of the sick person.

By far the best of these stories is Celine Dion singing in lieu of showing formal ID. That is simultaneously such a boss move and so delightfully unhinged. You do you, Celine.

I went to dinner with my best friend towards the end of her pregnancy and she grabbed the drinks menu out of hand with the explanation, "I just want to look at it". 

I always think that nobody could possibly enjoy the Twilight franchise as anything other than a hilarious, tacky joke. Then I remember that my then-flatmate INSISTED I read the first book over a decade ago with the absolutely earnest guarantee that, “you will fall in love with Edward”*.

My cat Marlowe figured out how to open doors. He would jump up and hang off the handle until it opened. First time he did it was on my bedroom door in the middle of the night. The completely closed door opened after some scrabbling and scratching, there was nobody there, and for a hot second I absolutely thought my…

My favourite part about the Pence mask bullshit was that he said he didn’t wear a mask so that he could look healthcare workers (who were ALL WEARING MASKS) “in the eye”. Is it possible he thinks the masks go over your eyes?

I think either of them would be pretty hard work as room mates. There's room for two divas in this story.

I was gleefully telling my office mates (via conference call, of course) the other day that there are somehow still people trying to book cruises, when the invoicing lady piped up that she couldn’t wait to go on her next cruise. Everyone was politely gobsmacked. 

I agree that he's probably broke, but being a for real billionaire hasn't made anyone else any more likely to take responsibility for their shit.

I have seen journalists challenging him during recent briefings. He’s a panicking, habitually dishonest narcissist with dementia. They’re not going to ever get the responses that we would like.

I was once in a Hungry Jack's (Burger King) and bit something that wasn't supposed to be in my burger. I don't know what it was, because I accidentally swallowed it. The only thing I was able to spit out was one of my teeth, broken into three pieces.

That is WILD. I guess I'd get sued because I would have definitely, gently but firmly restrained that child. I wouldn't have given it a second thought. 

There used to be a cinema in my town that had twin locations, across the street from each other. They had concessions on both sides, but when one of the popcorn machines failed, they would put pre-popped popcorn in garbage bags and take it across the road in a shopping trolley, then load it into the popcorn maker to…

Having heard the first single, I see why he’d be sweating, but if this is really because of Pasdar, someone needs to sit him down and explain the Streisand effect to him.

I have a friend who gleefully told me that she wanted a chair with Bradley Cooper’s face printed on the seat, so that she could, you guessed it, sit on his face.