Wait so he waited to get into a club with BYO Bud Light? That sounds like the worst option in everything from venue to beverage. Party better, famous people. Nobody is envying that shit.

Ugh I hated the Stabler character. Aggressive, self-absorbed, shamelessly unprofessional. He was a liability and always managed to reduce Benson to that woman who defends her shitty male friend because “you just don’t understand him”. The show and her character are so much better without him.

That got me as well? Was he waiting for someone to say, sir, you have crimed a crime? 

Well, they won’t be getting my boss, who makes $100k+ a year, but got locked out of her Instagram account and can’t figure out how to make another one. 

I contain multitudes.

Definitely agree you'd be better off in a minimum wage job. But just to be clear, do you really think $35k/yr is reasonable compensation for a person with all those qualifications and skills to be available and on call 24/7? 

Wait, if he thought you had just broken up, WHY did he ring you on the middle of the night to describe his one night stand? What the fuck?

What? That’s $8,840 per year for a live-in, college-educated, preferably multilingual, musically proficient, talented chef, tutor, cleaner, manager, travel agent, nanny, chauffeur and god knows what else, with the patience of a fucking saint. It’s a bit over $35k if you live out. These people aren’t just delusional,…

Not me, but my Dad told me that he once broke up with a girl because she put tomato sauce on her chips*.

Yeah the Australia comment was actually pretty on point given the comparably shameless inhumanity of our refugee policy. Certainly added an extra level of wtf when I found out that the woman who gave her that insanely tone deaf book cover manicure is a white lady from Sydney. Did they discuss how terribly Australia…

I don’t remember the last time I saw a sanitary pad commercial and I don’t really care what colour the liquid is tbh. I will say, though, that when I was a little kid I was deeply baffled by the blue liquid. I had no idea it was supposed to stand in for blood (because frankly that’s insane) and thought it was some…

I read Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books as a kid and had zero context for them, but even I could see the Hardy Boys were not the brightest candles on the Christmas tree. They’re not going to figure this out on their own.

I caved and went looking. He's a chiropractor. So in medical science terms, he's about as close to a real doctor as a PhD in philosophy.

I caved and followed the Twitter thread. Pay is $16/hr and $4/hr for live in.

The pay is $16/hr. $4/hr for live-in. 

Anyone who’s ever lived with teenagers knows that copious belching does not mitigate the gleeful production of copious farts.

I guess this is how people are looking past it.

“some people are lucky and have skin that just kind of takes care of itself”

They’re just used to it. I bought my brother a basic Natio moisturiser and he was like, damn, my face feels so nice. His face had never felt nice before.