I guess on the plus side... Yay for not raping any thirteen year olds?

tl;dr version: "Fuck off, you cunts, I did NOT fall and break my hip".

When the fuck did Twitter become the official social media of choice for angry, lunatic, cloud yellers?

YES CHEF!*

skinny, fit woman, giant, lumpy ass.

Park Life 4 Lyfe

It truly was magical - she entered looking like Audrey Hepburn, and left looking like Margaret Thatcher.

This is possibly the only thing that could make me watch this show.

I suspect from her tweets she's doing a fine job of buying her own.

Maybe a panini press.

"we are giving you hoovers and milkshake machines! What more could any girl be wanting?"

How does the phrase "ALL the women" somehow get interpreted by you to mean "except NOT all the women"?

Oh yeah, she totally said that right before giving her white power salute.

That just makes him sexier to me. Bitterly cold sarcastic men are my jam.

They're the gift that keeps on giving. Sort of like herpes.

The kind of dirt you get from only taking 30 showers in two years?

Feeling "mama bear" is a common reaction one experiences when seeing a tiny, helpless baby be put in harms way or otherwise threatened.

Fuck no, Canada's Inuit people have enough issues, thanks. Just stick them in Florida, no one will even notice.

Bourbon (free) Creams are the fucking bomb.

Your momma sucks.