At a very corporate job I had once, I had the opportunity to work very closely with one of the more “likeable” and “popular” guys in my department. So I studied him to see what he had that I didn’t, as I’ve always had issues being an outlier and “the office weirdo.” Eventually it became clear that what he had that I…

On "problem" days, a box of red wine is the answer.

Great menses euphemisms. I'm going to start calling it "calendar time."

Why am I tearing up?

Rick was never becoming a monster, he was becoming an ass-kicker.

We'll call it...Coatmeal.

I bought my wedding dress in a city where none of my friends or relatives lived because we had just moved when we decided to get married. I went shopping alone. I thought it was going to be sad but it was nice, I could really chose what I liked the most. When I was trying on my favorite dress the mother of another…

... and for goodness sake's, if you're offering to pay for the dress, in part or in full, do not threaten to withhold the money if the bride doesn't pick out exactly what you had in mind.

Not going to lie, mine are thin flakey evil things, but I had beautiful strong nails at one point. The point at which I worked in a kitchen, rarely wore nail varnish, and had animal fat all over my hands apparently a lot of the time. My skin was hideous. My nails were great.

in re: requested memo-

The first thing that popped into my head when I read this title was "Make Your Commute More Tolerable with a Little Glass Of Whiskey" but that would be illegal, no?

Word, the scene where Joan's eyes open was prob the best part of the episode

"I once recreated the X-Files "I Want to Believe " poster entirely in pumpkin."

What a waste of money. 30 grand could have put a couple of those sex dolls through college.

An avocado is a fruit, not a vegetable, Mark. Do you even fact check?

In light of these recent findings, I've just conducted my own study. Here's what I have so far:

The others were good?

Touching someone's ceiling is definitely something you don't do till AT LEAST date 7.

Eh, pestering for period sex might get tiresome, but I'd take that over a manbaby cringing at the mere thought of blood and insisting on unreciprocated blowjobs for a week any day of the month.

You want to have an enlightening experience? Go to a baking supply store and find the decorations aisle. There are so many shimmering and sparkling things to put on baked goods.