My personal favorite.

I need that shark hoodie in a human size, please. My birthday's in a couple of weeks. Just, y'know, tossin' that out there.

I got to spend Saturday evening hanging out, drinking wine and eating steak with one my very best friends from high school. We hadn't seen each other in almost 20 years, due to a variety of factors (Hello, matching set of asshole exes!) Felt just like old times, like sitting down to Cokes and Nutty Bars in the band…

WUT!! I'm beginning to believe that Australia is not a real country. Rather, it is a giant bio-dome, dedicated to the creation of oddly adorable (adorably odd?) critters. In other news, I need one of those in my lap, right NOW.

Summer's Eve commercials that didn't make the cut.

You're also dealing with people who, even after DECADES of dealing with Russian and Middle Eastern names, can't pronounce anybody's name or birthplace.

Well then, we'll just have to go to the video, won't we? I've been known to watch this 15 or 20 times on a loop just to keep from punching the world. I hope it helps you. :)

Why do we even HAVE that lever?

I'm so sorry. If I did this right, there will be a herd of corgi puppies rushing towards you, on a mission to make things better.

Would you like to share a handbasket for the trip to hell? I'll bring snacks.

I've never had that particular reaction, but now I can't think of anything else I'd rather do than get drunk and yell at John Hamm's penis.

Well, helllloooooo....

I went to Google to find a picture of 2 roosters fencing, as it with swords. A search for "cock fencing" gave me lots of cute pictures of roosters and fences and such. "Cock sword fight" filled my screen with penises. Many, many, angry, fighting penises.

How would we judge those things? Like gymnastics - points awarded/deducted based on artistic flair and degree of difficulty?

Nope - I call them my Dead Guy Crushes. Never gone so far back that it includes daguerrotypes, but that just changed.

Well...that's the end of corporate productivity for me.

So, kind of like watching the news, but with fuzz?

I just peeked down my shirt at my hot pink, lace, GG number and thought, "Damn...medical grade is HOT."

Both my husband and I have walked out of the bathroom (um...at different times - we're not THAT open on the ranch), looked at the other and said, "Ok, this is gross, but....I just did some impressive poopin' in there."

I don't see why not. Life is short, carpe diem and all that. (I originally typed "crape diem" and aaaalmooost left it like that.