Our honeymoon was wonderful until our last night. It began as a lovely evening, we ate delicious food, drank entirely too many cocktails and retired to our hotel room around 2 am for some sexy time. We both passed out and the next thing I remember is being in an elevator on the fourth floor with the doors open. Our…

Oh boy. Here we go.

i think they are just stupid

I live in Palm Springs.

I would be the worst field observer in the history of biology. All my notes would consist of AWWW WIDDLE BABY WABY IS YAWNING or GET OUT OF HERE MEAN DOG!

AHHH ITS WIDDLE FACEY WACE WHEN IT'S GETTING BAFFED.

If you can find it, you must watch Growing Up...Clouded Leopard from AnimalPlanet (before it became the turd it is today). Obscenely, it is not on DVD. Ming and Mei are now "retired" from Nashville Zoo and live at Panther Ridge Conservation Center.

"That feels so good! Don't stop!"

Sorry everyone. I went through 7 (YES, SEVEN) whole pages of Perez Hilton's website combing for possible answers, and nothing fits.

When my cat gets mad, she'll take her anger out on any human or animal that gets too close. One time she was whining to go outside, but the weather was bad. So my dad opened the door to show her that it was all rainy and cold and windy. Right when he did that, a blast of wind hit my cat right in the face. She got…

It reminds me of this time some asshole asked a lesbian if she was gay because she was scared of erections. She said she wasn't afraid of anything that just needed a slap to go away.

Both are those emails are disgusting and immature. Tucker's is so condescending, like in a "listen little lady" type of way. They both need to be punched in the dick. Assholes.

I must see this photo this instant! I demand it!

Ugh these people are the human equivalent of that car that drives to the front of the line, then tries to merge. And all those donors are the equally terrible passive driver who just lets them merge.

I hate all of you who make weddings into a huge, expesnive, feature-length production.

I can't imagine a pair of twats more insufferable than these two

Where's that "Nope. Nope. Nope." .gif? It needs to be posted. Stat.

"No, ma'am, actually the sun is going to remain in its place as it has for millions of years. The Earth, however, will continue spinning and proceeding on its orbit as planned; would you like me to ask a manager to pull the emergency brake?"

I need to read a 1 star and a 5 star review from the guy who got stabbed to calibrate what he looks for in an establishment, as I am very confused.