"White people." eyeroll

They are insufferable at the "Massai people as background decoration in our wedding photo" levels, though. For sure.

Ugh these people are the human equivalent of that car that drives to the front of the line, then tries to merge. And all those donors are the equally terrible passive driver who just lets them merge.

I hate all of you who make weddings into a huge, expesnive, feature-length production.

*raises hand* I also have a huge problem with destination weddings. If you want to have a ceremony barefoot on some beach, go for it! Just don't expect me, or your family, to use up our vacation time and money just to watch it happen.

I can't imagine a pair of twats more insufferable than these two

Where's that "Nope. Nope. Nope." .gif? It needs to be posted. Stat.

Oh eat a dick, you two. "Our love story is so much better than everyone else's so you should pay for us to navel-gaze and instagram other cultures like we know a damn thing about them!" Dicks. Eat them.

The guy on the left: "Hey, fun kids"

"No, ma'am, actually the sun is going to remain in its place as it has for millions of years. The Earth, however, will continue spinning and proceeding on its orbit as planned; would you like me to ask a manager to pull the emergency brake?"

This dude looks like a lady.

I am trying to picture what kind of hairdo would not make him look douchy—and I'm coming up blank. He seems to just lean toward the ones that fit him.

I am sure she has a fainting couch. Because she resents the implication. SHE RESENTS THE IMPLICATION GOOD SIRS AND MADAMS.

Your fucking expectations are too high?!? Fucking rage stroke! Some men suck so bad.

Worst.

I know when I'm over feeling guilty about something, the first thing I do is shop around a 900-word blog post about it.

From my boss.

Two weeks ago, we were tipsy and going to bed. I leaned in to hug goodnight and saw on his phone, from his ex: "I love when you tell me stories about what it would be like if we ended up together. Tell me another one."

My ex husband of 15 years had been acting kind of shady when it came to a woman that he hired to work for his company. From mild things like going to the gym with her when he had said he wasn't, to coming home and bitching about how her husband wasn't treating her right (my response at the time was "seriously, dude? …

I need to read a 1 star and a 5 star review from the guy who got stabbed to calibrate what he looks for in an establishment, as I am very confused.