Five bucks says you'll be getting an invite to a baby shower long before you get any invites to Miss Bible Thumper's wedding.

FFS, yes. I had a friend of the family (who was one of those 'close enough that she should be invited but not so close that she needed to bring anyone') RSVP less than a week before the wedding to let me know that she was coming- with six other people. All her kids (two of them under five) and two of their…

My aunt and uncle held their attendance hostage until I allowed thier 18 year old daughter to bring her boyfriend of 3 months. Cousin didn't even ask me, she asked my mother who had to relay it to me. I guess she assume that my parents were paying for the wedding even though my husband and I were listed as the hosts…

That's the exact stuff they say to me too. So now I have to be estranged from most of my family and extended family because they don't respect my wishes and chose his.

That's awful. My husband's father is abusive and it was a lot harder than I could have imagined to keep certain people from taking it upon themselves to "invite" him. Because "he's your father and you'll regret it forever, so what if you're still in therapy because of the abuse you suffered."

The invitations to my November 2001 wedding were mailed on September 10, 2001. The wedding venue? Windows on the World.

This didn't happen to me exactly, but it's still pretty awesome. So my aunt was getting married (c.1982), a few years before I existed, and her wedding color was a light mauve. She picked out nice mauve invitations with dark text which were surprisingly elegant considering it was the early 80s. She gave them to her…

Yep, I've got our Google Docs spreadsheet already started. One Sheet to Rule Them All.

ATTENTION YELPERS Entitled Pricks!

I wrote down "this table doesn't know what a leek is I AM GETTING STIIIIFFFFFFED" on my server pad and tossed it over to my manager at the host stand and it remained there the whole night for the other servers to laugh/cry at. I AM A PROPHET.

Having a manager who would do this for you is like being paid in solid gold bars. Amazing and wonderful.

Also in "Why Not?"

I have already decided something a long time ago: if you're mean to people in a position of service (waitors, bellboys, pedicurists, maids, etc) you are a horrible person. It takes a lot of humility to serve other people in any way, bring them plates, serve them food, wash their feet, clip their dirty toenails, clean…

I miss bitterwaitress.

Last year I wrote a Yelp review for a kennel that refused to board one of my dogs because his vet records list him as "lab/pit bull mix." The heritage of this dog is undefinable without a DNA test—that mix was a guess. I found him as a starving, abandoned, mangy puppy—no clue who his parents are. He has a very sweet…

I'm gonna come out to bat for Travis. Spinach is not lettuce—while travis is still an idiot, because the salad was called the "Classic Spinach," the correct answer to the question "What type of lettuce comes in the Classic Spinach" would be no kind of lettuce, it comes with spinach, which, while a green leafy…

And, on that infamous evening in New England, as the snow banks stood massive and the tears of hipsters everywhere fell as they watched the power they had habituated to receiving from whipping out their iDevices and typing furiously upon their single star...

I was once in a "fancy" Chinese restaurant in Chicago for my birthday and they had just waxed the floors. EVERYONE was falling down. Servers, customers, everyone. It was bizarre and hilarious. The management was losing their minds over how many meals they were comping. I wiped out before I even got to my table. My…

Pork Wine. The OTHER white wine.

I've been feeling very, very depressed today, and somehow, knowing, "hey, you aren't being catfished out of money you don't have!" is a really big consolation. I needed this. I needed this.