If you are not wearing the required makeup, I will stop you and apply it myself. I don't care if you're late for class. I don't care if you're a sophomore or a super senior. I will stop you.

I like the 80s where people were in bed under covers, and only LOOKED naked. Or when they'd make out, go into the bedroom and close the door behind them.

There should be. I was in a wedding a few years ago, flew out to the thing, took time off work, all that and in the end was told that the wedding video was "unusable" because I made "too many faces". Not on purpose, of course, but we haven't seen each other in four years and your finance/ husband is a weirdo. I tried…

UNITY SAND?????

Aaaand this is why I could never be an actress.

Porn gives young people an unrealistic expectation of how long it will take for a plumber to show up at your house.

YES. Exactly. There's so many ways to show us that a couple is having sex without showing everything and having them naked and miming penetration or whatever. There's nothing wrong with any of this. It just seems like if its not actually telling us something about a character or the plot, there's no reason to show…

1. Is there a transcript for this, so I can know what they're saying?

This is the world we live in.

I would like to objectify a lemon cake right now.

!

My cat Chuck loved olives. One holiday I caught him licking the fancy dish of olives I put out and that became our secret tradition.

I was thinking the EXACT same thing. I have a cat we rescued & he was less then 5 pounds when he was found living in the foundations of an Ulta in winter ( which is my go to excuse for over feeding & spoiling the shit out of him). Anyway, I was making tea once & he seemed curious about the honey & I let him smell some…

Oh I feel for her history, but she also has too many advantages in life to count. And my mean-tweet avoidance is hardly something to brag about. Just bare minimum human decency stuff.

#notallsailors

More than 70,000 people "favorited" and more than 64,000 retweeted Bieber saying hello. What the hell is wrong with this world?

Every time Bieber speaks, I just hope that one day he decides to follow the Call and join Kanye (another voice of a generation) in the sea with all the other fish.

As long as it takes his dad first.

I know we're not supposed to wish violence on someone, but what if it's a mountain lion or a meteorite that just happens to finish off Justin Bieber, is that okay?