Asparagus, but only for a certain sub-group, unless you are part of the even smaller sub-sub-group, if that’s your kink.  

Yet oddly enough I have to beg the local Mexican quick- and fast- serve restaraunts to leave it off. I’ve even offered to pay an upcharge for NO guacamole.

I feel like women can do whatevs on a date. We don’t care as long as they’re on a date with us! 

Garlic is fine if both parties eat it. It’s also a great litmus test for weeding out people who can’t handle flavor. 

Haha, all of the pizza is mine!

Yeah, anything that’s messy or has some sort of involved process in the eating of it is a big “no” for my side of the table. I don’t want to be peeling steamed shrimp, cracking into crab claws, or performing meat-surgery to remove bones/shells, etc. My go-to is some light, simple boneless fish or chicken dish, because…

You enjoy your heart shaped pizza my friend.

The hottest girl I ever dated, on our first date at Applebee’s (sorry, I was 21 and broke as shit) got a full rack of ribs and demolished them. She was tiny too, probably like 5'4" 110 lbs soaking wet. I was dumbfounded but to me she was still so effing hot. Wonder what she is up to these days?

“Don’t eat garlic, it will make your breath smell” is the slipping-on-banana-peel trope of date advice.  See it mentioned everywhere, literally does not happen in real life.

Exactly, that’s it, that’s the entire answer. 

Only if you’re a cartoon dog.

You’re not getting paid for three words.  Write out a bunch of paragraphs, but dance around the obvious answer that’s only three words.  

Fortunately for me, the upside of never being able to get a date means I can eat whatever I want!

Because it’s overpriced overrated green gunk that’s difficult and wasteful to farm and supports slave labor and cartels and tastes like flavorless crap that spoils in an hour, but “It’s healthy, so I must eat 2,000 avacados a day!”

People pay to make their food worse?

I’m sure glad that I developed a distaste for avocados long, long ago. Just one taste of the nasty, foul avocado without any added stuff can get the gag reflex going. But, that’s just me. Even if I liked that stuff I would certainly not pay the outrageous prices they want to add a dimes worth of the stuff to the meal.

Abbott Elementary had a cute scene the other night with Janine eating ribs on a first date despite being warned about it before the date.

Avocados are expensive.

*bursts through the door, wild-eyed and out of breath*
Am I too late to point out that Hyde was also a character on That 70s Show and that I too am against doing a rape!?