Every fucking thing out of Trump’s mouth requires 8 or 9 people to follow up and try to explain what he REALLY meant. It’s amazing for a man with the best words. I would love for someone to ask one of his post-explainers, ‘Why is it that everything he says has to come with footnotes?”

Up today: “A lot of people don’t realize that the military has a court system.”

To those who would defend Trump with “what he meant to say,” I would remind them that according to Trump, he always says what he means.

Literally this case changed Minnesota/the Midwest/all of America...No more waiting for the street lights to come on. Obviously the porch lights were symbolic for this case and now after hearing the fucking horrendous outcome you better believe everyone has their porch lights on. It’s not a punchline. Have some…

I want to take a moment for those who live outside of Minnesota to try and express How Very Seriously And Deeply the people here take the Wetterling case. I moved here in 2000, and it was mere weeks before it was explained to me that one left one’s porch light on for Jacob, and how his disappearance was a loss of…

Guys come on! It’s true.

(She’s blushing because she knows she’s saying egregiously racist shit, and her residual conscience is fighting a rear guard action against her desire to get a slot on Fox News)

Nice of Glenn Beck to make it clear right in the name that his network is either:

Oh no son, The Blaze is where people who Fox News looked at and said “TOO FUCKING CRAZY FOR US, PASS!” go to do work.

“How dare you sit there and blame white people for the problems of the minority communities. After all, aren’t you half white? Didn’t two white parents adopt you, after yours weren’t willing to raise you?!”

Because when you want hard-hitting perspective about how the world really works, you go to a 24 year old blond who's putting together an audition reel for a sweet FoxNews gig.

In 2nd grade, I got kicked out of the classroom for talking and had to sit outside. What was supposed to be 5 minute punishment became 2 hours because my teacher forgot about me. When afternoon recess rolled around and she opened the door for the class to exit, she look down at me, startled, and asked why I didn’t…

At the very least, they should have realized that it’s very bad PR to try and recoup the cost. What were they thinking?

I live a mile away from what has to be the most incredible Cinemark theatre in the country. I told both my kids to never give that company money again. Is the company responsible for what happened? Hell no. Are they responsible for how they reacted to lawsuits from shell shocked and grieving families? You bet. It’s…

I will never be over the fact that SVU did an episode based loosely on Anthony Weiner, in which the offending politician used “Enrique Trouble” for his “Carlos Danger” alter-ego.

And the media. Trump’s news (ish) crap is the media is making him look bad.

You know, it was funny watching Rove’s head implode on election night 2012. When he literally got up from his desk, walked into the polling rooms, and started asking everyone how Obama won. And I remember that lady that posted that hour long YouTube video lamenting Obama’s victory and her cursing out Republicans for…

The basic stance Trump supporters have adopted is something like: “We’ve nominated a candidate who is completely incompetent, disturbingly unhinged, and completely offensive to larges sections of the population. He has done nothing to build a coalition or even run a campaign. ALL THE POLLS ARE FAKED AND IF WE LOSE…

What she does in her free time really doesn't have much to do with that voice. Baby or not. She can sing.