Asked for comment, Jesus Christ was quoted as saying, "Leave me out of this, fellas. I'm voting Democrat."

Sorry, but Jesus Christ, who cares?

This is a junior high level slap fight where both of them wind up getting shoved into lockers by some dude on the basketball team.

Your insistence on properly identifying parts of speech is what’s keeping us from the revolution

It really bothers me because I’ve been lurking here for years and the commenters here are *the* reason I’m as informed as I am. I genuinely think I’m a better person for reading this site but goddam if the writers haven’t turned into a bunch of meangirls! Sorry, #rant, but it's sad to see

To quote Veep: “If men got pregnant, you could get an abortion at an ATM”

You don’t need to defend Hitler, this isn’t the hill to die on.

I have a fantasy where science develops the means for men to get pregnant, and someone goes around implanting fetuses into all these anti-abortion men and they are forced to carry them to term.

Really. “Stop saying true unflattering things about me, everyone!” is not a valid legal complaint.

I saw one tweet from Kesha, thanking fans for their support, and everyone else was tweeting long before she did that, because the verdict was live tweeted and people were pissed off. Whether she’d said anything or not, people would have said the same thing.

As someone who works in the abortion field, I am SO appreciative of this segment. John has done more to sum up what is going on in a digestible 16 minute clip than I could ever do. When you’re in the field you can obviously talk for HOURS about any topic, because you have a lot of knowledge, but also because you see…

high fives sixes all around

The visual I got from this comment is beautifully disgusting, well done. At this rate Rio may as well add “Diharrea Relays” as an event.

The extra O will be brown and represents the open, sore assholes of all competitors

no, six. It mutated and grew an extra one.

Rio Olympics logo: six interlocked ring(worm)s

Rio Olympics motto:

The U.S. will send 48 rowers to Rio, they will be as forewarned and forearmed as the federation can make them