Tell him it’s science and he’ll reverse the decision.

I think she is “preying on” the Senate seat.

Careful Theo, we’re watching you!

I should have appreciated rap more back when it was good.

I bet most of us got the joke, and you’re right about the next line being best.

Mariah’s attitude toward unpleasant realities:

She loved showing off her high range with those runs (aka yipping like a distressed poodle) and now her voice isn’t up to it. Luckily she can distract by compulsively brushing her beautiful hair off her impressive rack.

“it’s not 1976 anymore”

Damn, that’s bad. I hope you have a better 2018. The worst we have is when my wife spent New Year’s day in the ER and needed surgery/plates for her broken bones.

I get around that problem by using the Southern 2nd person plural pronoun.

Plot twist: she was murdered by a masked man with a sword to stop her from researching the next book.

“I likely have more than one cat”

It’s the LAST gray hair that proves you’re old.

A couple of New Years days back my poor wife fell while coming back from the bathroom. Breaking two bones in her leg (and the surgery that followed) made that the crappiest start to a year ever.

I caught the possum that was eating all the food for our outdoor cats and took him to a creek nearby. When I got home my Dad said the possum got there before me.

She’ll eat well for several days while your suffocated body is lying dead in the bedroom.

You’ve had two days to sober up, maybe you could try typing that over so it makes sense.

So instead of being a bad bitch, she’s bad at being a bitch?

I used to go out for raw oysters with a woman who ate them with ketchup plus a dash of cocktail sauce. She was spicier than Taylor.

Did you mean “conscentual”?