You mean my wife won't become a human Pez dispenser?

Many doctors have assured me that when a woman is poor, her body secretes a certain substance to prevent a pregnancy from occurring... You know, poor women's bodies have ways of shutting that whole thing down...

Aww, I know you don't really mean that! :(

Yes, because it's all WOMEN's fault. I love that logic. Usually stated completely un-ironically by some old white dude who looks like he actually believes that all unprotected sex is instigated by women.

This is easy to fix: Just stop fucking her and she won't need that "gov't subsidized birth control" anymore! See, you're actually the reason she's on it in the first place! Problem solved!

Because they really, really hate women and want to want to punish them any way they can. I suppose the thought process is, "if she doesn't have access to easy medical abortions, it's more punishing to have to pay for/endure a surgical abortion. And if she can't afford that, she's stuck with the pregnancy, which is…

Uh, what? My abortion cost around $350. Pretty sure that's a lot cheaper than pre-natal care plus labor & delivery plus a new baby and mother on Medicaid.

I am sick to death of random a-holes like Suzanne Venker giving relationship advice, which will always be meaningless because all couples are not comprised of the same two people. Different people want different things.

I just want to let you know that you sound awesome.

I thought it was something like, for each additional cat you own past three, your chances of coming from a family of lesbians increases 8%? Also, lentils.

I imagine it must be the same elusive quality that allows Chris Brown's fans to ignore his string of violent outbursts because, "Hey, he can dance!"

I'm so confused by this. What is misogynistic about working outdoors, and who is Richard Cohen? That's a super common name, I can think of five right off the top of my head.

He has total pedo-smile. I officially have The Willies.

You should report the situation to the daycare where the wife works. Children cannot protect themselves from situations like this, and they depend on us, as adults, to do the right thing. If what you said is correct, the wife must have lied in order to get a job there. If she would do that, and if she would continue…

I'm guessing you don't live in the States. We have the largest prison population in the world and yes, people do kill each other in there. Most of our prisons are privately owned, for-profit corporations, so it doesn't get reported on publicly, but find someone who works at a maximum security prison, and see how safe…

I nominate Danny Brown. I've never cared much for Taylor, but if she starts dating Danny Brown I will totally respect her. They'd be cute as hell together.

I subscribe to her magazine just because I love to read "Martha's Calendar" every month, which includes things like "Tour Bedford property on cross-country skis", "Meet with arborist to discuss winter plans for trees", "Shampoo sheep prior to shearing".

"I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin."

Ahhh what a tease!! What happens next with the tennis racket and burrito and stuff?? The suspense is killing me!!

Please don't call someone the m-word. It came from circuses and freak shows. That's why it's offensive. "Dwarf" comes from a medical term, but was ruined by shit like lord of the rings (they are not magical creatures), and stupid stuff like "dwarf-tossing". Only LP denotes that they are, in fact, people. There are…