I have it on good authority that Trump has a brilliant contraption in place that drops an ice cold diet cola on his desk with the push of a button. Naturally it opens the can for him so he need not strain his micro-fingers.

Stop trying to smear hentai by purposely omitting crucial context.

If he were born half a millennium ago, Kushner would have made for an exemplary Groom of the Stool. Until Cromwell had him executed for overzealous wiping that is.

‘When bae invites you back to the House of the Undying for a Shade of the Evening nightcap’

About a decade ago, I went to listen to David Lynch speak at town hall. The whole Patagonia saturated auditorium was anticipating getting the inside scoop behind Blue Velvet or Twin Peaks or even fuckin’ Wild at Heart. All we got was an old man lecturing a room full of disappointed Seattlites about transcendental…

Activatei sounds Soviet AF so I’m definitely not clicking on that link. That said, I’d be glad to discuss magnetism with you (how does it work?).

I hope it’s an R rated film so I can see some goddamn patellas for once.

We should have started a GoFundMe to send Kinja Tech Ernie back to his home planet, Pluto (Every dwarf planet is a bastard in their father’s eyes).

I know next to nothing about Something Awful but a tight-knit internet community rallying to keep itself together doesn’t strike me as a particularly foreign concept. Well, the fact that they were successful maybe...

Yeah, this was total crap.

“Only poop can pay for death” -The Porcelain God

Girls poop too, my friend. I met one once and she said so herself. Wouldn’t tell me where babies come from though... maybe next time

I mean, every time I’ve ever told someone I broke their toilet its been strictly in the philosophical sense, not that I’ve rendered their shitter literally inoperable. The sheer dedication and passion that drives these actors to the pinnacle of human achievement is simply awe-inspiring.

I thought The Zombies changed their name to ‘The White Walkers’ and achieved newfound relevance in this golden age of television

Elisabeth Shue’s Vegas film was somehow even more depressing than Showgirls

Well, you can hardly blame her for giving it a twirl

Salon with the Wind?

A friend referred to Julia Stiles as ‘beta-test Kate Bosworth’ long ago, and to this day it’s the first thing I think of when I hear of her.

Just Cardi B cementing her status as the Daniel Day-Lewis of strippers

This reminds me of the time I broke my foot and then immediately violated the Geneva Convention. 100% my bad, and luckily my husband forgave me in time.