Scott: There’s a good chance I may have committed some light rape.

Those were fully chaperoned play-dates. Mother made sure of it. Mother is always watching.

In my experience, an abundance of bumps tend to essentially eliminate the possibility of successful sex.

What kind of sick, partisan fuck party would I have to organize to get a dang traffic circle on my corner? Cause damn, there be hella kids lurkin’.

I prefer my raving lunatics to have a little more consistency.

You should have seen what went down below deck on Willie’s steamboat.

He must have been from that Anti-Semitic sect that the Hebrew Hammer warned us about!

I’ve never seen such a display of blatant northern aggression in my lifetime.

I feel your pain brother. I lost most of my retirement in the great Jamba Juice crash of 2005.

Well, at least they’ll probably take off their shoes before they climb down Dana’s secret location...

For those of you arguing that these accusations against Danny Masterson are false: PUNK’D is no longer on the air and even when it was, it never got this dark.

If I were the FBI, I would definitely be keeping a close eye on high school yearbooks. The male recipient of ‘Most Likely to End Up in Prison’ from my senior year has now spent more years in prison than he did at school.

At least by picking burner names like Rooster and Duck we can immediately tell how fowl they are.

I don’t care about whether or not his actions constitute the legal definition of rape. I care whether or not he forced or coerced these women into having sex with him. 

Charles Manson was the original hot felon

God haleps those who halep themselves

Why even bother campaigning in flyover kingdoms?

Spider-Man never hesitates to perform a courtesy flush.

Helen Blunt

I’m pretty sure the young lady directly to Martin’s left is the one who is being sued for invasion of privacy after a cruel snapchat message became public. What I’m saying is maybe she would be willing to spy on him for a while to see if he actually has anything written. For community service of course.