I didn’t kick him in the nuts, but he may have misinterpreted some friendly, coworker footsie.

Oh, big fucking deal. He could have done as much if he did a course through Toastmasters.

I called the customer service line for Comet Ping Pong.

You can tell they’re struggling to make payroll because I still haven’t been paid for my Woman’s March time and that was over a month ago....

I kinda want to send a copy of Michelle’s book to that human slug in WV that called her a slur.

In the post-inauguration pics I’ve seen of the various Obamas, they all look so happy and relaxed. They are glowing. It’s like they (and especially Michelle and the girls) were birds locked in a cage, and now they can fly free.

Church ladies make the best goddamned food. Pastitsio at the Greek Orthodox, pirogis at the Polish Catholic, gnocchi at the Italian Catholic, blintzes at synagogue, kofta at the mosque, and homemade fried chicken and dirty rice at the Southern Baptist.

Exhibit 5,325,940 that humans are the worst animal.

Hey now. I routinely sing out the “Price is Right” loser horn in my day to day life.

Alan Smithee

Could I then use this approach to start Brietbart News and start spreading real facts?

Yeah, but when he hosted the Golden Globes that one year, he made a lot of jokes about the star-spawn that fell short....

I could watch a four-hour circle jerk of the Hollywood elite, or I could make dinner, write a short story, and then turn in early because I work on Monday.

He’s very smart, everyone says so.

I feel like, in getting angry at these vandals, we aren’t taking their economic insecurity seriously.

It’s actually not that hard to topple a gravestone, especially if they are older and have a higher center of gravity.

Take all these stars, please.

Hey, man. My hands are CLEAN. - Jill Stein voter, purity test aficionado, and idiot

I think Trump and his ilk absolutely don’t want us viewing Iranian (or Syrian or Yemeni or whatever) culture, because then we might start to see those countries as complex human countries like our own and be less inclined to support a war against them.

Ha, more like clearance Hush Puppies at Payless.