I have. He’s full-blown crazy now. He has theories about Black People (tm), the Gayz (tm), Sharia law, Obummer coming for his guns, etc. etc.

The conspiracy talk completely sucked in my father. My previously-intelligent, sensible parent. He retired, didn’t have many hobbies, started dating a whack-a-doodle nutjob and suddenly became an expert on conspiracy websites.

Long-pig. Excellent!

No puppet, no puppet! YOU’RE the puppet, Ebola!

<mutters> Such a nasty virus.

Typical librul - underplaying BENGAHI!!!1! and EMAILS!!1! tho!

Hence the quote marks.

But if I don’t wear a necklace that says “TIFFANY AND CO” on it, how will people know how “rich” I am???!?

It’s because their white fathers are never around.

I would much rather grind the heels of my boots into these Couches than, say, a white couch owned by Eddie Murphy.

This comment is “on fleek.” YOLO!

I can actually answer this for you.

There were no Hoovervilles, but Michelle wore a sleeveless dress a few times which is even worse.

Given my cat’s superior shit-stirring skills WITHOUT opposable thumbs, I’d hate to see the havoc she could rain down with scissors.

I find that an empty Amazon box scheduled for recycling works too.

I really gotta find a way to turn housewives and mommies onto the excellent fan-fiction smut I read on Tumblr when I’m hiding out in the bathroom at work to kill time. I’d love to see a movie universe where characters from other movie universes get it on in a series of increasingly erotic and outlandish situations.

My father, a Trump supporter, is truly and utterly convinced that they’ve had a cure for cancer since the 1960's (Salk discovered it, natch), but the government/big pharma have kept it under wraps.

My grandma successfully ignored her lung cancer and certainly didn’t die from it in 1988.

I used to swim at the Y during my lunch break, and an old Mormon used to complain to the lifeguard if I did laps in the lane beside him.

You’re underestimating his sway in Small Town America. His soothing voice and bland slab of face is just the thing to ease people like my in-laws into breaking reports about staycations and easy summer up-dos.

We live in an 1880's Victorian and I love that there are defined spaces and doors. Open plans are terrible to me: I like to be able to shut the door when my husband is yelling at the sports-ball on TV.