Broken heart syndrome, also called “stress-induced cardiomyopathy.” It’s real.

Yeah, the “old person” thing is maddening. Don’t people realize that the old racists will have trained up the young racists?

But if something bad *does* happen, can we still blame Marilyn Manson?

There’s a number of Hell Houses around me, and I’ve always wanted to check one out but not give them any money. It’s a conundrum!

“raw liver, wet sponges, and old hairnets.”

I hate his voice too, but I do a pretty good Bob Dylan impersonation because of it. When I work out at the Y (which plays AM Gold exclusively), I like to sing along to Dylan and annoy the old man who sits on the lat pulldown machine.

I love you.

It’s all just fodder for the forthcoming novel, “White Trash, Black Hearts.”

Pass on both, bang the anthropomorphic candlestick dude instead.

Whoa whoa whoa, now. That’s some MONEYED white people naming right there. Don’t drag lower class folk like myself into it. I’ll stick with my Ashleyeigh’s and Neveah’s and the like, thank you very much. 

It makes logical sense. Our town had its Applefest the same day I got a crushing migraine, so it’s obviously the fault of Eve for eating from the Tree of Knowledge (and not, you know, me eating sulfites earlier in the day).

Your great-grandma sounds like someone my great-grandma would call a “good egg.”

For fun, when someone on Facebook references “prayers,” replace it with “farts.”

“Going in for surgery tomorrow, fart for me!”
“OMG heart emoji farting now!”
“Sending farts your way!”
“Offering up farts!”

Ugh, they are. She’s always trying to get the dirt on my (deceased) mom, as if she’s a threat from beyond the grave.

I tried that line on her. As a Gen-Xer/Millenial, I “just don’t understand” that these things (severe weather) didn’t happen “in the good ol’ days.”

But don’t you know? Hurricanes and earthquakes and natural disasters never happened in the 1950's or earlier - they just started when Black People (TM) started getting uppity and women got their slut pills, etc.

Well, my dad’s girlfriend is conflating the hurricane/flooding as God’s wrath against us letting the gayz overtake us with their super-gay agenda, so maybe they are related?

This was my theory as well. I think that a lot of people are fine with Trump’s rampant sexism and misogyny as long as it’s referencing “down there” and other vagaries, but the minute they heard him say “pussy,” their delicate little ears couldn’t handle it.

I listen to “How Did This Get Made” at work and he routinely has me laughing so hard that I scare my coworkers.

“Aspects of Love” and “Starlight Express” or GTFO.