She is a gossip hound and a bitch, and she says stuff that’s 100% inappropriate. For example, there is a husband-wife couple that works here in the same building. Wife is pregnant. Busy-body told her that she “enjoys thinking of [wife] and [husband] making babies together.”

I feel you, Jenny Slate. When I had a bad spate of migraines a few months ago, I barfed a lot at work and the office busy-body told everyone I was pregnant, then when I stopped barfing and was sad for a week because it was Mother’s Day and I missed my mom, the office busy-body told everyone that I miscarried.

Well, then. I guess you can just go ahead and skip my piece on xoJane, “It Happened to Me: A Waitress Served Me Diet Coke Instead of Regular Coke.”

And kids who eat Fig Newtons....

From time to time (if, say, an Excel sheet freezes on me at work, or if the dog barfs all over the house for no discernible reason), I’ll yell “this is DOARK-SAHDED!”

Thank you. I enjoy very narrow lanes of trivia.

Her milkshake AND her jerk ribs with brown sugar rub bring all the boys to the yard. She left the music biz to go to Le Cordon Bleu.

He actually sold off his music rights to fund his chef training. He has a cookbook (pretty well-rated) featuring something called “Soul Rolls.”

I grew up quite poor, and my mother had a list of stringent rules, all revolving around not looking like “white trash.”

Aren’t both Coolio and Kelis also chefs?

Soundtrack by Hans Zimmer, who fell asleep on his pipe organ.

I like to pretend that “Girls” is set up like the DC Universe, and Lena and pals are on an alternate Earth where it’s very white. “Friends” was also set on this Earth-2.

Well, my little town here just busted a couple of dudes caught selling weed. They got time in county. Go ahead and guess what color skin they have. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

You should be ashamed. I’m a feminist and I put in the work. I do a full ten hours in my day job, then I work the third shift down at the Misandry Foundry.

Using the KonMari method, she probably pulled out each individual tampon and used Kleenex, contemplated if it sparked joy, and then thanked each for their individual service.

That seemed to be the case of one of the patients profiled in the piece. He was severely schizophrenic, and it sounded like he had a lifetime of hospitalization in his future. Of course, he ended up dying because of the state of the hospital (and he died probably very painfully).

That’s exactly it! No rational person will say that the previous system was working, but to replace is with literally nothing.....of course things are going to go poorly.

I know in my home state (Ohio), the situation isn’t much better. I read somewhere that Ohio has about 18% of the beds it needs to serve the mentally ill. Meanwhile, Cincinnati has shameful amounts of childhood poverty and an equally shameful homeless population. Kasich never mentioned it much in his bid for the White…

If people need more insight, check out the Pulitzer Prize winning investigation, “Insane. Invisible. In Danger.”

Have you watched Jeopardy? Most of the stories are boring.

“You had an interesting moment with a can of soup once. Tell us about it.”
“Yeah, Alex. So I bought some Campbell’s New England clam chowder once, but when I opened the can, it was Manhattan clam chowder.”
Then Alex gives that fake, bored smile and moves on to…