People are the worst animals by far.

Great American Authors do, OKAY?!? Don’t you remember Hemingway’s famous short story, “Hills Like Sleek Turds”?

I wish I were a Great American Author, so that I could write amazing scenes like that. Alas, I am just a middling white collar worker, so I can only directly quote Franzen.

I wish there was a fund for people who suffer like this. She deserves nothing less than a lifetime of great therapy, a lifetime of relaxation and leisure.

I’m so sorry to have done that to you.

JF: I’ll take Quotable Quotes for $1,000, Alex.
AT: “The sleek warm neatness of her turds.”
JF: What is, Terrible Sex Scenes by Jonathan Franzen?
AT: <nods, leaves building, jumps off bridge>

It has been confirmed that Blake is NOT a Bonita Applebum.

I think the reason they don’t know is because a lot of the radio edits cut that monologue down....

I feel like my inquiries are going to lead me to some shocking, ground-breaking conclusions, like maybe pro-life isn’t about life after all.

Ah, but if the mother left the daughter and home and the home burned down, then she’d be castigated just as much.

It’s almost as if women can’t win either way.....interesting.....

I like to get racing stripes when I get painted.

They taught me about Bill Barilko.

Orson Wells is dead and J.J. Abrams is still alive, so I guess J.J. got the last laugh.

Same. Luckily, our local community theater is putting on “Murdered to Death” for the second time in three years, so that’ll be a good show.

I prefer Jamie, who Malcolm assembled out of the parts of psychopaths.

I mean, I know white people, I have white friends. My white friends are good white people.

Missed opportunity for a slogan to illustrate their class year and how sassy they are.

You missed the Greek life apologists, who will assure you that #notallgreeks and then point out a 5K for breast cancer they walked once in college while they were a Sigma or a Tau or whatever the fuck.

I love Alice Munro....as for Robertson Davies, I’ll have to check him out.

Hot, amortization action!