I sympathize with Charlize. I’m part bog-monster (on my mother’s side), and since the advent of CGI, it’s tough to get roles anymore. No one wants to hire an actual monster when ILM can just whip up some green-screen thingy instead.

My main takeaway from all of these stories is that I shouldn’t feel alone and ashamed that I’ve shat myself twice as an adult (thanks, cheap small-town buffets beloved by my parents!).

Now I can get the tasteful lingerie shots with a photoshopped image of my great grandma Minnie who died before I was born. Thanks!

C’mon now. That insufferable douchebag probably puts in a full ten hours of work* a week!

I like to take potential interns to an underground muay thai club. It’s the final step in the interview process - to see how well they can answer behavioral interview questions while blood splatters at them.

Do you think Sunny Jo does tasteful boudoir shots too? Asking for a friend.

Ah, memories. I’ll never forget poor Tom Barrasso taking shelter in the net back in the dark ages of the ‘90s.

Can confirm. I sold my clubs at Play it Again Sports last week, after I used them exactly once. My first manager out of college sat me down and told me that I should learn to play, that even women should learn if they want to make it to upper management.

But why would I buy bones that were given freely by their owners when instead, nature gives me bones?

Pretty similar plot lines. I can see how the algorithm suggested it.

Hotel Rwanda.

Slade sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise, and he’ll squirt it in his mouth all over, and then he’ll take an egg and kind of... mmmm! He calls it a “mayonegg.”

The buzz on the street about Uterus LLC is insane.

This is why I no longer operate as a human woman, and instead operate as a high-pitched frequency in another dimension.

I think you need to cut it with EVOO to get the full, delish benefits.

And at least in my state, if your goal is “foster-to-adopt,” you are only ever placed with children who are legally free to be adopted, not kids with a parent who hasn’t signed away their rights. Jesus.

You’ve met her so many times....met her and met her....

Hi, I’m big-boned.

He’s pretty well rounded in his horribleness.

“Cheap racism? Excuse me, Senator Dog, but Trump brand racism is luxurious and classy. I am now offering my delux and opulent racism to you, through a special partnership with Sharper Image.” - Donald Trump