Really dude?? These are 10 years old and come from like every fourth post on my Facebook feed. I mean, I expected to see “YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!” I was surprised you didn’t have the one about the umbrella tucked inside the door of a Mercedes.

Aren’t these ... Directions???

Thank you! I saw the headline and wanted to ask about making egg foo yung sauce and I am not surprised it is part of the first question. Dinner tonight is sorted!

1. Thank you for not making this a goddamn slide show.

All of these things will work, I am sure of it. Just as I am sure I will wake up tomorrow to Lizzy Caplan rolling out of my bed, sing-songing a cheery offer to cook us breakfast “because we’re gonna need our stamina.”

This is in the middle of OEM offer prices I’ve seen. My copy was 7 bucks and it registered directly with Microsoft (no shady workarounds).

What a fucking life that must be for the moths. Imprisoned, yes, but in a jail full of food. Sign me the fuck up.

Since I was a wee middle-schooler, one of my dreams was to have a pop machine in my house (like the ones at Macs or the convenience store). Four flavors would be enough. Now I’m 63 and I still dream about it a little.

Fantastic! Now I can pay my Showtime bill with canceled checks from 20 years ago!

I watch this -- shit, I often STUDY it -- because I know for a fact there are real people like this running amok in our world, and we best know all we can about that.

I turned off the closed captioning because it was blocking the view of Molly’s camel toe and immediately asked myself: “What are you doing with your life???”

I wonder if any changes will go away when Roku force-feeds an update.

CHALLENGE PRESENTED.

The word I hate most in a business situation is “passion.”
A real example:
“We are searching for a person with a passion for inventory control.”
Fuck that and fuck them.

I found this episode to be the worst of the season, save for Weekend Update, the short film and Jack White. Every sketch was too long by double, lazy and repetitive. I fast-forwarded through Woody’s monologue and the Hippo sketch. Not impressed.

Trailer Park Boys reboot brought me in way back when, and incredibly fun Korean dramas and rom-coms such as Extraordinary Attorney Woo keep me around.

With six or seven typos.

Get yourself an eyepatch and “Make Way for Tomorrow” is immediately available.

thanks for the six-year-old information.

At work I like to make one of those 90-second bags of brown rice along with my can of Chunky Soup. Mix ‘em together and you get two lunches out of it for less than 5 bucks.