Really dude?? These are 10 years old and come from like every fourth post on my Facebook feed. I mean, I expected to see “YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!” I was surprised you didn’t have the one about the umbrella tucked inside the door of a Mercedes.

Aren’t these ... Directions???

Thank you! I saw the headline and wanted to ask about making egg foo yung sauce and I am not surprised it is part of the first question. Dinner tonight is sorted!

1. Thank you for not making this a goddamn slide show.

All of these things will work, I am sure of it. Just as I am sure I will wake up tomorrow to Lizzy Caplan rolling out of my bed, sing-songing a cheery offer to cook us breakfast “because we’re gonna need our stamina.”

This is in the middle of OEM offer prices I’ve seen. My copy was 7 bucks and it registered directly with Microsoft (no shady workarounds).

What a fucking life that must be for the moths. Imprisoned, yes, but in a jail full of food. Sign me the fuck up.

Since I was a wee middle-schooler, one of my dreams was to have a pop machine in my house (like the ones at Macs or the convenience store). Four flavors would be enough. Now I’m 63 and I still dream about it a little.

Fantastic! Now I can pay my Showtime bill with canceled checks from 20 years ago!

I watch this -- shit, I often STUDY it -- because I know for a fact there are real people like this running amok in our world, and we best know all we can about that.

I turned off the closed captioning because it was blocking the view of Molly’s camel toe and immediately asked myself: “What are you doing with your life???”

I wonder if any changes will go away when Roku force-feeds an update.

CHALLENGE PRESENTED.

The word I hate most in a business situation is “passion.”
A real example:
“We are searching for a person with a passion for inventory control.”
Fuck that and fuck them.

I found this episode to be the worst of the season, save for Weekend Update, the short film and Jack White. Every sketch was too long by double, lazy and repetitive. I fast-forwarded through Woody’s monologue and the Hippo sketch. Not impressed.

Trailer Park Boys reboot brought me in way back when, and incredibly fun Korean dramas and rom-coms such as Extraordinary Attorney Woo keep me around.

You know what’s killing our environment, our children, our future? Lobbyists.

With six or seven typos.

He finished the “no friends” angle on speed-run and has pretty much cleared the “paranoid” level.

Get yourself an eyepatch and “Make Way for Tomorrow” is immediately available.