I always thought someone should make an Instragram mask (or whatever the hell they call it) with that day’s USA Today, so you could put that over a picture of a flat tire or a board showing a canceled flight and send that to your spouse or boss and prove it happened today.

I don’t know about the innards of these TouchTunes boxes, but be careful about playing the exact same song multiple times in a row on a jukebox. I worked at a bar where a guy once put in five bucks and tried to play “Money” by the Flying Lizards 20 times in a row. It only played once. I asked the jukebox guy about it…

Looks to me like his left hand touched out-of-bounds .000023 seconds before his butt hit the pylon. Should have replayed it for 20 minutes and ultimately used technology to take away this young man’s incredible physical achievement.

— Mike Pereiera
Commissioner, National Officiating League

Educate me if I’m wrong here, but my first thought is that the record companies and movie studios would KILL for a sneaky back door into the various VPN systems, if it meant they could catalog and bust those pesky Napster and Lime Wire users. /s.

If you bring a streaming stick, tape a long piece of colored string or rope to it (I use a old lanyard with the hook cut off) and bring that around to hang off the front of the dresser of entertainment center. That way, as you scan the room before leaving, you’ll teach yourself to look for it.

Interviewing a series of Lifehacker people for Lifehacker is lazy and unproductive for your readers. It’s like a brother taking his sister to prom because nobody else wanted to go. Put in some legwork or drop the circle-jerk.

All these people complaining about the tired old line/joke/cliche that they have to endure in their generic workplace? News for you: You have done the EXACT SAME GODDAMN thing to somebody else in THEIR workplace or other social setting. Yes, you have. Many times over. So when it happens to you, just grin and bear it,…

Now I don’t give a shit, but it used to drive me crazy that people spent $1000 on speakers so they could listen to 128-bit MP3s through their iPods. NO!

There’s less to the iPad than you see on the Surface.

finally, something worth buying at Sonic. Blech.

Ship him to the Dolphins.

Sportswriter of 40 years here. Remember the TV show “Coach?” That show was kind in its portrayal of the intelligence of football coaches.

And what about “You’re The Worst?”

1. Have someone else pick up the cat.

Co-sign my car loan, I’ll get you back to 740 quick.

Please subtract two from the views for this video as it played a few seconds each time I tried to click on it to read the fucking article. No video articles for this guy.

Not even if they had a tuba player?

Was out of town visiting a friend and he couldn’t get out of reffing a Saturday basketball event. One of the seventh-graders didn’t like his call, tried to shield himself from my buddy’s view and made a jack-off motion to his teammates on the bench. I stood up, called my friend over and told him what I saw. He said…

You missed NOTION.

That word is the main reason I am unable to listen to NPR. Anytime I hear a swelled-head say something such as “well, it’s time to discount the notion that this ....” then I am checking out. NPR talkers seem to use it a lot.

My group wrote dirty parody lyrics for a bunch of songs and waited to see how long it took us to get thrown out of various karaokes around the town. Three asked us to not come back or frowned heavily upon us. The fourth asked if we wanted to host a special “DirtyRoke” night. Too much effort.