Fuck mobile fast-food apps. Get off my lawn, too, but fuck mobile fast-food apps. 

Also it has an aluminum shift knob, and who doesn’t like an aluminum knob?

In the late 70s, I bought a wrestling mag that showed a two-page, sideways centerspread of AWA superstar Da Crusher holding Bobby “The Brain” Heenan by the hair as they ran. Crusher was about to ram Heenan’s head into a turnbuckle. (This was back when Heenan still wrestled as he transitioned into managing and later…

Sarah Sanders is a truly deplorable piece of shit. She should be arrested every time she cashes her U.S. Government paycheck. She does not serve the people. She serves her master.

Smigel is a goddamned TREASURE. Worth his weight in comedy gold. Salute, sir!

This already has me swooning, but if she would have thrown in “Fromunda” I would have passed right the fuck out.

Is there a podcast that consists completely of one hour of people saying “Fuck Trump!”

I’m watching it like I watch a car wreck as I wait for traffic to clear on the interstate.

Info is missing because filling in those blanks would require original reporting and additional effort on the part of a Gawker Media employee. Most of them are allergic.

Great. That should change the average wait time at every Taco Bell in my area from 23 minutes to 46 minutes.

Are you playing on an IBM Selectric?

What a shock! A Hollywood production company is jam-packed full of assholes!

That said, so long as Netflix keeps supporting Trailer Park Boys, I’m in. The day they part ways, I’m out.

I went out clubbing Saturday and got phone numbers from three different women. Turns out they all gave me the same number. ROOMMATES! Maybe there’s a foursome in my future!

Waiting for the popup asking for my email for the thousandth time.

Let’s really go apeshit with the rules: If a quarterback runs from the pocket (or a shotgun snap), the play is blown dead once he crosses the line of scrimmage and the play is over with no gain.

Whenever a Spin Doctors song comes on, it brings me back to the old days when ... When any time a friend or even an acquaintance who wasn’t bigger than me popped in a Spin Doctors CD, I would eject it, scream and snap it in two. My friends later came up with a term for it: “He just got Red Hot Chili Peppered.”

Make America Predatory Again

There’s one in Madison and anyone can feel free to send me a dozen.

I hope none of them Boufed or FFFF’d.