I had a house with a second-floor porch, 10x10, only access was from the upstairs bedroom. I put a (6-foot) inflatable pool up there. Fuckin’ heavenly. The dog loved it too.

That’s nothing. I can run my age in the 100-meter dash.

They’re just going to slap a different label on it! How about “Better Call Saul” wine in Squat Cobbler flavor?

We do have a couple of 7-11's here in Madison, Wisconsin, but ever since all the shitty PDQs turned into fucking-awesome Kwik Trips over the winter, ain’t no free Slurpee gonna lure me away. Bananas, onions and potatoes for 38 cents a pound. Their own in-state-made milk, bread, butter, meat and bakery products (donuts…

What’s the app that will help me track Capital One’s predatory lending practices, which are not illegal because they (and others in their industry) bought off lawmakers and rewrote the banking laws.

What’s in my wallet? Two credit union credit cards. Fuck Sam Jackson, fuck Jennifer Garner and FUCK CAPITAL ONE*.

* - Or WE…

You’ve also run video of a retired wrestler fucking his friend’s wife.

Kamau’s set confirms my earlier belief that he will one day be a true master of the craft (and he’s pretty damn good at it now). Gadsby is worthy of attention mostly when she’s talking about life, not telling jokes. Michelle Wolf, I want to love her but the weekly Netflix grind is making her run low on Grade A…

The fact that he breathes in air is an assault on our environment.

I don’t run with my 15-year-old cockapoo, just walk, but on days like today I put him in the shower for 30 seconds before we leave. Ninety minutes later he’s still a little damp around the neck and underbelly — and happier than hell.

A woman found certain evidence that her husband was cheating on her with several women. She got hold of a family friend with “connections” and said she wanted to put a hit out on her hubby.

She met with a greenhorn named Artie, and when he heard all that the husband had done wrong, Artie said “I’ll do it for a dollar.”

A…

Go ahead hand your money and trust over to these criminals, these crooks, these law-breaking, bribe-slinging, lie-happy bastards. It’s your money. At least it is right now. This company DOES. NOT. DESERVE. to exist.

Great, this will be the next offering at Taco Schnell.

Vodka also freshens up your personality.

Do what you want, but I have one steadfast rule: I never, ever, EVER put anything from a dollar store into my mouth. Some risks are not worth the savings.

I’m 58 and full of regrets. But those regrets often were the result of my own choices and decisions, and I’m strong enough to both admit that and live with that. Many of them are the result of decisions that I full knew would probably lead to regret, but the potential payoff was worth trying for anyway. I think I’m OK…

The rate at which this story gets recycled has me thinking you guys will be reposting the Hulk Hogan sex tape in about 18 months.

They tried making a batch for Kobe Bryant, but (enter your own line here about the rape he allegedly committed and how the hell did he get to play out his career)

It doesn’t bug me.

FORTRAN.

The Walking Douche.