Ok, but just so we’re clear, the part about grabbing the lil fucker by the ankles and heaving him hi ho to hell you’re cool with?  Got it.  Love it. 

Did she also slap the shit out of you when you started talking about schnitzengruben too?

You, me, and the three other people who understood that reference are pleased you made it.

I’ve been told it is more of an Albany gesture anyway.

FUCK THAT GUY AND HIS ILK FOR RUINING THE PUNCHING GAME FOR ALL OF US

[A Western Canadian resident mutters under his breath.]

May the Force be with you, Mr. Mayhew, and may all of your moons remain in orbit.

Bishop didn’t flop after the Perron slash, that was a two-hander to the back. Goalies don’t have much padding there. 

Clearly, as evidenced by his attempt to burn down a stone-clad and presumably steel-framed building with one fucking gas canister, we’re dealing with a galaxy-brain genius here.

My neighbors and I don’t know each other too well, so I’m looking forward to spending the next HOA meeting explaining why screaming “FUCK DON CHERRY” at midnight here in NC was totally apropos.

Except Danger Island which was legitimately terrible and tragically unfunny.

Saucer people! And the RAND Corporation…

yeah, but I was on a time crunch to get this joke off ASAP. Writing under a deadline to make the first “brian kelly killed a kid” joke is stressful lol 

As a gangly German basketball player, who has idolized Dirk over the years, I have just one thing to say:

“Unequivocally, this guy was the best shooter Dallas ever had.”

Kobe’s gone.

He has touted his law-enforcement experience repeatedly during his political career, though he was never a sworn officer while he worked for El Mirage.

“What’s MySpace?”