Or sharks with lasers on their heads.

I think Deadspin writers should refer to the Washington Football team only as the Redhawks going forward. If only to upset emotionally fragile Redhawks fans. Please

Too bad we, as a society, are so jaded we can’t enjoy a players season in college. Who F#@%ing cares what he does in the NFL? Most Heisman winners, especially QBs, don’t do shit at the next level! But that’s cool cause they tore it up in college and earned a pretty cool ass award, even if it’s status has been…

Yeah I think that’s true, he just sold the trophy but is still recognized as a winner

In related news, Jimmy Haslam is consulting with a homeless man in preparation for the next NFL draft

That’s silly. Who’s going to watch hockey in Oklahoma City in 20 years?

Tonight’s guest on “How to tell someone is not from New York”

And here Oklahoma was worried about replacing Joe Mixon.

I bet TCU wished that this came to light Sooner.

Here’s my all time favorite stadium experience. I went to a Mets-Phillies game in Philadelphia about 9-10 years ago. I was invited by a friend whose brother lived in Philly and had free tickets. It was the three of us, and my friend’s 12 year old son. We are all Mets fans, but since it’s Philly and we’re not idiots,…

How hard can it be to solve this crime? Are there really more than one or two joggers in Buffalo?

I knew a case like this would be prone to copy scats.

Just what we need, a rivalry between east coast and west coast crappers

If I was Buffalo PD I know who my leading suspect would be:

- Electric Poopaloo

He apparently also fucked Senator Bob Taft. What a life!

the student who was hit has been to the hospital twice because of post-concussion syndrome

• Loot all the containers. It’s not uncommon to find money in dumpsters, food in filing cabinets, ammo in trash cans, or drugs in toilets.

I kind of missed Mac Tonight, but then I realized his entire act was built around a single goddamn song and the subversive idea of eating McDonald’s after 6 PM.

That’s a legit comp, but I personally see Mac Tonight.