or the sequel, 'north ivy ranch 2: alpacattack!'

Oh they are fantastic when fresh. It's just, that if you freeze them, they turn into solid concrete :D

I am writing a novelization of my North West Celebrity Baby Kingdom Chronicles and I hope you will someday read it and also enjoy it as well.

Do southern ladies ever fuck around? Be honest. I feel like they're not really a group to fuck with in general.

Yes. But it will be spelled Knorth from then on.

It's still more realistic than my wish to have Captain America as played by Chris Evans as my boyfriend.

Hey man, don't knock those full spectrum "fake sun lamps". They really help and they are worth every penny. I recommend the Verilux Happy Lamp. I've had mine for four years and not only do I use it all winter, but I also use it at other times of the year whenever I have to be indoors for extended periods. Half an hour…

Needs more horse

The only thing I want for Christmas is something I personally know isn't possible: full legalization of marijuana (sales/possession/growing) in New York State on January 1st, 2015, and one of those pretty golden vape pens in the New York Times gift guide.

Girlfriend does not appreciate my rendition of every Christmas song she's listening to into Christopher Walken's spoken word poetry.

Oliebollen. "oil balls". Eaten traditionally by the Dutch in the last days of the year. They can be nice, in small amounts, a bit like currant-stuffed donuts without a hole. The best oliebollen come from mobile sales points that mysteriously appear in the early days of December, and are equally mysteriously all gone…

According to the cops, the cab driver technically didn't break any laws because he did not seem to mean Alexis any harm though her parents are now pushing for laws that require taxi drivers to verify the age of young passengers traveling alone.

The Conservatives occasionally pass laws like this when nobody is watching, just for the laughs I think. The irony is that they are quite often caught with Mistress Pain in a dungeon

To be fair, T-Swift has a well-documented history of providing her guests with baked goods. I don't think Kimye provided chai-tea cookies at their wedding.

Is it sad that this was my first thought exactly?

An adult with chickenpox won't be scratching for two weeks. They'll be nearly unconscious for two weeks.

omg HOW DID YOU RETURN TO WORK AFTER THAT? the balls. i am amazed.

not gonna lie, I was kind of hoping the reveal would be that.

Wake me when Remus and Sirius hook up.

Well, this story isn't from a holiday party, but it was an office party, and I sure as hell did make an ass out of myself. It was my first big party at my first real job; I was in charge of planning the day's activities, so naturally I was in panic mode for an entire week straight before the event. I wanted to impress…