We've made a more honest version of the spot, which reveals the likely outcome of Jeter's plate appearance

Why would the fact that Offerman later punched an ump while managing in his native Dominican Republic render him less "safe" in that country? The danger he's "been accused of ducking" in the United States is the possibility of a multimillion dollar judgment. Does he now face a similar risk stemming from that…

This will be underappreciated. Nicely done.

Ugh, we get it, already: internet "journalist" has small penis, is incapable of processing photo of normal size penis as anything other than "big ol' boner." Haven't we been through this enough times by now?

Of course you were. Because you're a moron and very easily impressed. The fact that you consider creating a handful of 3-5 word tweets an impressive effort speaks volumes about the level of effort underlying your mindless, dogshit reporting. Recalibrate your expectations a bit and maybe you'll cease to consistently…

Terrible. Really, just terrible. If anybody loves you, I bet they're ashamed of you and this miserable drivel that you churn out. You are an exceedingly horrible music "critic," and literally everyone would benefit if you just stopped making the attempt.

You suck, GiantBen. Not as much as Samer sucks (because Samer sucks astronomically at pretty much everything he ever does), but it's close. Please die.

Jesus Christ, you suck. You suck at writing, you suck at "journalism," and you suck at life. Take two seconds to think about the comment to which you just responded in earnest, so eager to broadcast your possession of this fairly rudimentary piece of baseball knowledge that you're completely blinded to the absence…

I sincerely hope you contract feline AIDS, Samer. Learn how to fucking write, and then maybe write about something mildly interesting for once.

HOLY FUCK this is astoundingly bad. Bad isn't even really the point, though. This shit is so thoroughly and head-spinningly bizarre in every possible way that the decision to publish it in any form whatsoever truly blows my mind.

I fail to see how these comments make me "demonstrably dumber." Having watched him play on only a few brief occasions, I previously knew relatively little about Teddy Bridgewater's game. Now I know that he's a dynamic playmaker who nonetheless may well struggle to helm a successful NFL offense, but will almost…

What always seems to get lost in these clever little look-what-I-did-on-Tinder pieces is the inherent self-selection bias that renders the anonymous coeds on the other end of these conversations anything but representative of the general Tinder-using public. In the present case, each of these young ladies is…

Did you beat Oprah's time (4:29:20)? Not allowed to brag if you can't run faster than Oprah.

Actually, I commented on my first Jezebel post late last night. So far, I've found it to be a rather enjoyable experience.

I was not actually suggesting that JaMarcus Russell should be the public figure most readily associated with sizzurp. The attempted humor was based on the fact that Mr. Russell was teammates with Sebastian Janikowski, the celebrated placekicker referenced in my Kinja username. Similarly, in case you're curious, Mr.…

For starters, aside from the fact that I have not revealed how I voted in this particular matchup, or anything about my feelings towards "Twitter feminists" or any other variety of feminist, I don't think that "uppity" remotely captures the type of behavior that's being complained of here.

I'm not sure you actually know what the term "feminist" really means. There's not even any conceivable way in which "feminists, full stop" could be characterized as a bitchy or annoying group. The vast majority of feminists engage in very little to no debate or discourse on feminist issues of any kind with anybody…

I, like you, have no way of knowing how many of the people I follow on Twitter are feminists. I suspect a great deal of them are. I follow a lot of very smart people, and intelligent, well-educated people are almost necessarily feminists.

1) "FIRST!" got old a whole lot longer than 4 years ago.

If there was a sportsbook giving 3-seed odds on Adderall to win this thing, you could make a fortune. Because Adderall is most definitely going to win this thing.