That's why he got his own boutique site with writers he can collect and put in his little trophy case...

"Punch like a champion today."

Internet commenters usually take it a step further before offering parenting advice: "I have no kids (in fact, I hate all children) but..."

If it takes you four hours to read a Simmons piece you may need to see someone about your undiagnosed learning disability. I congratulate you on your Blutarsky-level rant.

They know their demo. When my brother-in-law chides me for not joining him and my FIL on golf outings I reply, "Maybe someday after my penis stops working."

"What We Talk About When We Talk About ______"

The important thing is that you've found someone to resent. Good for you.

"I liked Rob Bironas a lot then. I like Rob Bironas a lot today."

Aw, shit. I've been destroyed by the classic "I know you are, but what am I" retort.

There you are, I was wondering when someone would go Debbie Downer on this.

Look at his commenting history. These are his real opinions. He's looking at these responses right now with slouched shoulders and an open mouth.

White people, amiright?

You do know that vaginas are amazingly resilient, right? And that testicles are delicate and sensitive?

Now is not the time to wear your "Nice Like Rice" shirt, AJ Daulerio.

oof

Was Max there? Holding a tiny camera for no fucking reason when there is a professional film crew right behind him?

I've weighed this possibility against the more likely chance I'll have a 50 year old man in an oversized Hawaiian shirt covered in Mustangs tell me "Actually, it's an Eleanor clone" and decided it isn't worth the risk.

Seconded. We have a big regional car show coming up in my area and to save time I skip the Mustang/Camaro areas just to make sure I have time to see the interesting and unique vehicles.