George's joke is funny. This observation (which is never not following said Carlin quote) isn't.

The new wallpaper on my work computer.

Yes, you can sue her. You would likely win, but if she doesn't have anything (safe assumption) it would just be a waste of your own time and money.

I can always make a new baby. I have no idea how to make a dog.

The sad thing is, you actually believe that is what happened here. That is why life must be hard for you.

It must be hard being a humorless assclown. Good luck in life (you'll need it.)

Yes.

I bet you think that response made sense. I'll leave you to think about how it didn't.

You do realize if he had killed the rider, they would charge him for killing the rider?

Sunday morning beheadings may be carried out without the traditional guilt associated.

Your bad luck is improbable.

What leads you to believe he won't get more than a firm finger-shaking and stern words?

Perfect.

Those eyes. They are fixed on something interesting found only in her own little world.

I don't see texting at all. I'm not excusing the PT Cruiser drivers sheer incompentence, but all I see is a right hand on the wheel and a left hand (wrist turned out) bracing against the door.

Think about the all the poor velourriers. Who will they sell their pelts to now?

I have a recall on my Suzuki about possible loose mirrors. They're not loose.

2121? Lizard people will have taken over by then.

If you're going to restore it, you must maintain the Bell Telephone livery.

She shows you the Steve Jobs sex tape. Is it really worth that much pain?