Dear Police,

Finally. Lloyd Dobler gets a TV cartoon show.

I checked it out on Jezebel and I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. It isn't looking too good, though.

You out after the Kinja?

Metroid boss?

I think boomers feel smug all the time because they used protesting as a thin excuse to catch the clap in a muddy field.

Yeah, brotha, it's me. Chew this tobacco. It'll make you a goddamned sexual ty-rannosaurus.

Buy both. Maybe extras for Christmas presents.
-Guy from Brand New.

And each turd is judged on how it relates to the article. This will prevent turds that are off-toilet.

Let the Right One In is the prequel. Spoiler: The right one wasn't let in.

I guess a cover of the drum solo from YYZ on Exit Stage Left is a pretty good piece of music for a moment a lady realizes her mother was a terrible person. Good job.

What's that, other Jesus? Burn the heretic? Okay. If you say so.

As I hear it, Jesus said, "I don't like gays and please give to Israel. There is an unseen donation board and when it gets to a certain point, ahem, I'll be bachhhh. That's a thing from the future. It'll be really funny in 1984 or so. Trust me."

The one that gets me is when some asshole gets colon cancer and a person will shout karma got that fucker! I always wonder what nice Aunt Janice, who also got colon cancer, did where karma got her.

Every dead child or cancer or Trump is all part of a grand plan that will get explained someday in Heaven.
The likelihood that the plan makes sense or that you'll appreciate it remained to be seen.

According to people I knew in high school, God is constantly making bad shit happen to you so you'll grow as a person.

Awww. You and the dude on the street who liked your body fell in love.

-My last girlfriend.

I got 50 minutes in and realized I didn't want any more songs nor did I care what happened to the characters.

She was in some movie about lower back pain or something. She seemed to feel she deserved an Oscar for pretending to be in pain.
Leprechaun residuals.