Aww, I really wished you two would make it work!

Sherri Shepherd offers her a hand up as if to welcome her as a guest host, but when she goes for it STONE COLD SHERRI STUNNER STONE COLD SHERRI STUNNER MAH GAWD. It turns into an absolute slobberknocker that writes itself.

All that may be true...but can any other GOP candidates freestyle? Can Nikki Haley even beatbox?

No, sir. That is one bonehead name.

Barbara Walters in a beige pantsuit and a chunky necklace giving a stiff elbow foul tackle to Paige Steele in the green room of The View is an image that will keep me up all night.

Pssh, if this actually happened she would have (and should have) sold it like Barbara Walters gave her The People’s Elbow in the green room while Joy Behar howled OH MAH GAWD. Take a note from your contemporaries: if you’re going to lie, at least take the effort to sell a big one.

Can we get an Animorph cover of that?

There is clearly a directive to make you look lame in front of your kids, yes.

When the fight happens, he’ll roll up in the Cybertruck.

Imagine being the richest man in the world and yet being such a black hole of anti-charisma that Mark “Fucking” Zuckerberg is downright likeable by comparison. I know I can’t.

There was a scene in Full Contact where a guy gets kicked in the chest and goes ass over teakettle over a balcony to bounce ribs first off a railing that still makes my teeth click just thinking about it. If you can do that in one take, I guess there’s a future in it for you.

I can watch it all day, he takes that slide like a 90's Hong Kong stuntman where that definitely hurt for real. I’m surprised the GTA WASTED meme hasn’t been edited into this yet.

I’m no physicist, but I am also baffled how he came out of that slide like a Jackie Chan movie outtake where the paramedics had to get involved. We need that footage, specifically the timestamp where he thuds his big dumb bonehead into the slide which definitely happened.

For our childhood slide, the most cheap and effective way to decrease friction was to rub it down with a sheet of wax paper. It’s unlikely he did the entire length and really all you need is enough to grease you with enough drag reduction. Now, I’m no physicist, but I refuse to believe this knucklehead didn’t come up…

For me, the most hard hitting line in Oppenheimer is “Shut the fuck up, Einstein.”

See, this is why we’re collectively falling behind in math.

Correction to the math problem: officially she is 5 apples tall, so approximately 40 cm if you stacked 5 Washington apples. Real Big Ben is 96 meters, average height of a human girl is approximately 1 meter. I wish I studied more in school.

Since this is an Apple Arcade exclusive, I have an unrelated question: Hello Kitty is 3 apples tall and weighs two apples. In Sanrio world, she is proportionately a human little girl. With all of this being canon: how many apples tall is the Big Ben in the Sanrio London where Hello Kitty lives?