Aw, I was hoping this was one of those bad in a good way games. Sorry they had to waste Michael Rooker’s time like this.

Wait...so if you’re the Lebron James of inceldom, averaging 0 points per game but being at the top of the scoreless game. But the moment he scores a point, he’s Lebron James of inceldom forced into retirement? Make that make sense.

Shit, if Harrison Ford can do one more Indiana Jones someone could make that happen.

It sounds fun on paper, but I can’t imagine The Happiest Prison on Earth being a place you’d want to do time. The last thing we need is the entertainment center and amusement sector partnering with the private prison-industrial complex. Can you imagine being in an overcrowded Chuck E. Cheese block for 18 months?…

A theme park turned prison in a dystopian state run by a conservative despot sounds like the final chapter in the Snake Plissken trilogy: Escape From Orlando.

All of this could have been avoided if he just bought the rights to make his own Club Penguin. Or was that the next phase after Twitter?

And yet SNL is way ahead of the GOP by decades.

Those two scenes in particular gave me huge Tim & Eric vibes. Bonus points for being unironic!

You’ve got the spirit, but you’ve got to put a bit more welly in it if you’re going to throw off the cozzers. “Blimey, guv! Breaking into houses and nickin things ain’t proper, innit? Rest easy, lads. If oi spot one of them hooligans skulkin about, you can expect a ring roight away from me, Limey Queensenglish The…

I imagine Jesse Watters grinning from backstage like Jon Lovitz in The Wedding Singer.

It would certainly cut down on him spraying on the furniture.

Pish tosh all you’d like, but The Auld Nick is a tried and true tactic for dodging the bizzies. They’re lookin for a Yank, innit? Won’t give another look at a chap eatin beans on toast ey wot.

What a fuckin whiff.

Marvel had a comic run series called Damage Control with a similar concept. It’s a solid gold idea that just needs The Office style caliber casting and guest cameos of your movie property characters settling insurance claims. “I have The Hulk on Line 1, he says Hulk Doesn’t Understand New Terms And Agreement on his…

Marvel was all over this at 1989 and it’s astonishing this isn’t at least a limited web series:

Regardless of the context, the fact remains that it was a stone. He didn’t make it. That said, all is forgiven if he makes a lotta spaghetti.

So I guess we’re going to need some breathy slowed down versions of Fiddler pretty soon?

When I was a child, I watched my two years older brother drawing on that thick (but not quite white construction) paper, some ambitious military vehicle concepts. One was a helicopter with a flamethrower under the nose, but the best one was the Cold War Spy Blimp. You could fly the blimp into the USSR and spy all you…

I dub our secondary computer OG PC II as it was a free case with a slightly less obsolete motherboard and an ancient water cooler that I just swapped most of my OG PC guts into. The water cooler did need eventually need replacing but it’ll run games mostly okay, provided you don’t expect 4k and don’t mind…

Meanwhile, they’re hard at work rolling back child labor laws so soon they can pass on the big dig project to future generations.