I feel ancient and withered after reading this.

This is my biggest reason for not being ready to let my kid roam outside the confines of the yard yet. The memories haunt me. There’s the one of the “nice old widower who just loves children” in my neighborhood who molested my BFF for three years, threatening to kill her mother in front of her if she told; the ninth…

I’m a 40 year old mom who’s perpetually bouncing back from an injury or school vacation exiles from the gym. My current working weight is still heavier and my depth is greater. God, this was a great ego booster for me.

A friend of mine floated the suicide theory at a cookout yesterday.

I had a dealership try this when I bought my Miata. About a week into ownership, they called me up to spin a story about how mistakes were made and I had to come in right away to renegotiate the contract because they gave me someone else’s interest rate.

Kid Electron didn’t sleep for the first two years. For the first year, she had to be held in an upright position. After her first birthday, she would deign to be laid down, but I had to be next to her, and she was up every 90 minutes. The sleep deprivation and PPD broke me. There are so many sleep books on my kindle…

I did quit to stay home with Kid Electron. Boomer women were so pissed with me for not second waving it and showing her that a woman could work. Boomer men assumed I was exaggerating the cost of daycare. Like, really? Google that shit.

I’d hate to date and/or work for the guy, but he seems like he’d be fun to goof off with.

I was “laid off” a just a handful of weeks before I gave birth. I was the only person “restructured.” Funny how that happened to every pregnant person in that office.

Had my mom had her way, I would have shared a name with a blab-happy Mueller target.

It’s a southern WASP thing, too. Glad I dodged it, though.

I am of the opinion that one piece at a time on a white lady is fine, but the rest of the outfit needs to be understated af.

I’m from ABQ, too! I have an ongoing conversation with a friend about our inherited pieces of turquoise: is this concho belt/squash blossom/watch too white lady?

Minor correction: Oprah is Mrs. Which. Mindy is Mrs. Who.

“And went to college in the 90s!” to really round it out.

“I was born in the Seventies!” is totally going to be my go-to justification.

I think these kids are locals, but their mom definitely wishes she lived anywhere else.

Are you in the desert southwest by chance? And they’d be about fifth grade age? Because there are twins in my daughter’s school named Maverick and Striker, though there could be extra ys in there.

When the Cool Girl, Who’s, Like, Not Like Other Girls, turns 50.

Bitch is older than me and I hit 40 in April.