This was my album. I managed to get my hands on it a few weeks after it dropped when I was sixteen and smack in the middle of rural New Mexico, and it became the seminal record of my late adolescence. I don’t even know how I got my hands on it. At the time, I didn’t get any of the band’s influences, I didn’t watch 120…

This is such bullshit. The girls in Kid Electron’s school use their JoJo bows as a means of exclusion. You don’t have a JoJo bow? You can’t sit with us. You have a JoJo bow? Well, it came from Target and not from Claire’s, so you can’t sit with us. Oh, you have a Claire’s JoJo bow? Well, it’s the wrong shade of clown…

Her overpriced bows are the fucking bane of my existence, but I have a seven-year-old. 

Eh, the atmosphere’s going to be stripped off and Earth will be the new Mars way before the Sun porks out.

When I had my IUD, I bled almost constantly. It took my tracking app to convince my gynecologist that I was messed up and needed to pull it. It has its uses.

DETAILS OBSCURED FOR REASONS!

So twenty years ago, my cousin announces she’s getting married. Ok, cool. She’s having her bridal shower in a German social club somewhere in the mid west two days before the wedding. Ok, cool. I’m her maid of honor, but the groom’s mother has planned this, and I’m a broke college student,…

If this happened in Albuquerque, I might have been at that wedding.

The few waffling white women I know are upper GenXers who just want to lie to themselves about their internalized racism.

I am so sorry about your dad. My dad passed at the beginning of the year, and it has been absolute hell. My husband’s been aware of the hell, but it’s still fucking hell. 

Sassy! The balm of my teenaged soul!

HOW VERY DARE YOU! My house was built in 1995 with both an open kitchen AND 9' ceilings!

Big eyes, slightly tilted head, confused smile, and the use of the phrase, “but I thought ...”? 

No worries. At this rate, it could have been a new game app or junky toy or, or, or. This age is brutal that way.

Sorry, Kid Electron’s my child. 

THOSE FUCKING BOWS. So much first grade drama over the girls who have the JoJo bows and the girls (Kid Electron included) who don’t have the JoJo bows. 

I wish Kid Electron would eat Uncrustables, because it’d make packing her lunch that much easier.

When my dad was dying, he looked his doctor straight in the face and said, “I have stage IV cancer. I’m eating a steak if I feel like it.” 

You joke, but I very casually tossed some pillows, a handful of books, and an LED lamp into a closet a couple of weeks ago, and then left it open for Kid Electron to find. She thinks she’s getting away with something and I get blessed silence.

Heard all of that perfectly in my head. God, I miss Behind the Music.

I randomly talked to Mr. Atom on the phone when we were in college. He’d called my friend for some class homework. Friend was out of the room, and I answered. An hour later, and we had plans for lunch the next day. After I hung up with him, I called my LD boyfriend and broke up with him because I knew, I just knew…