If I didn’t ask Kid Electron about her day, I wouldn’t have heard about the bullying, and I would be mystified by the sudden change at the start of the semester: meltdowns at returning, begging to stay home with me, requests that I just volunteer all day. Soooooo...

An electronic pressure cooker is so much safer than my tia’s stove top version. I was scared to death of that thing, but I use my Instant Pot at least four times a week. I will never go back to making pinto beans on the stove. NEVER.

I feel like my greatest mom moment was when my daughter turned to her kindergarten pal talking about ... some song .. and said, “that’s cool, but I like David Bowie now.”

(Granted, she only likes “Space Oddity” and “Starman” because she’s six and wants to run SpaceX when she grows up, but I was still super proud!)

I would gladly kick into a commissary fund for any inmate willing to follow him around, reciting impact statements every moment of every day for the rest of his life.

I wonder how much of this stems from her beginnings on the Today show. I remember when she succeeded Deborah Norville as permanent anchor, she bristled in interviews at being called “cute” and “adorable.” It could be that she’s subconsciously toeing the second wave line of I had to toughen up and take it, and it’s…

My coffee table has drawers and storage, and it’s all for my six-year-old. She keeps books and craft projects and small toys in it. It’s big enough for us to build puzzles on it, and when I need a place to put a remote or a drink, BAM. Coffee table.

1. Get the fuck out of there. Move as far away from him as you can.
2. Ghost the fuck out of him. Delete your social media presence, change your number, block his number. Do not contact him again. Do not look back. NEVER reconnect with him, never get sloppy drunk and hit him up with a “how are you” text.
3. Get…

Hot Like Charles Bronson is an excellent band name.

OK, I’ve got eight years before we hit 14, but I’m taking notes from the seasoned pros here.

Kid Electron nudged me halfway through Olaf and whispered, “Mom, we are definitely at the wrong movie.”

I recognize the plates from my old gym. That’s 315 right there. Just strap on three big girl plates and be done with it.

NEGL, I’m a knitter and I would snap up that yarn ball in a hot minute if I had that kind of walking around money.

Sooooooooo, questions: if I have an ultrasound at six weeks and there’s the “heartbeat” but I later miscarry, will I be tried for a crime? Will my OB be allowed to do a D&C? Or do I just die?

Mom? Mom, is that you?

That is totally Kid Electron’s expression when she’s not having ANY of it. Eve now, at almost six, she gets a solemn expression, which is my cue to help her cope.

Bingo! Blind date, and we both lived on campus.

Way back in the 1990s, I agreed to go out on a date with a guy who asked if I could drive because he didn’t have a car. I picked him up, he got into the passenger seat, saw my transmission, and said, “I don’t date girls who drive stick.” It was the weirdest, most honest way I’ve ever been dumped.

I’m one and done. Target desperately, DESPERATELY wants me to be pregnant again. I swear the FB ads are on the verge of just being a wall of text shouting “IT’S BEEN SIX YEARS! HAVE ANOTHER ONE ALREADY!”

I want to send Senator Collins an edible arrangement.