I have an imagined feud with this Australian woman who began corresponding my husband last year. First it was professional, and meh, but then it turned personal and then weird. Even though he severed contact after it got weird, I have day dreams about hiring someone to smack her in the face with a pie.

$99 a month healthcare? I’d vote for him.

Ted Cruz will institute maximum security preschools to keep the most violent toddlers off the street and away from society.

Reading this made me realize I find the word “sip” just as shudder-inducing as “moist” and “panties.”

I’ve found that ABQ shuts down when the more touristy spots stay open. I think outside of Starbucks and Sonic, only the casinos were open and serving food.

Ah. Somehow it doesn’t surprise me that something was open in Santa Fe.

Wait, you’re in ABQ, right?

THE WORST.

Dot Com: Actually, today’s republican party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln. He fought a war to preserve federal authority over the states, that’s not exactly small government.

Oh, I’d be in gloves. It’s quite possible I’d pull them off finger by finger and then bap him in the face, Bugs Bunny style.*

I’d like him to put his face in the way of my fist.

I seriously laughed when I got the note. So many gift cards coming to the teacher.

HAH! My daughter’s preschool moved the party to today because, “we understand you as parents have Star Wars tickets.”

I have been trying to find this article for weeks and can’t remember where I saw it. I swear it was either Slate or Salon, but no dice.

I don’t get it, either. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in a conversation where folks ragged on people who get implants, only to bring the party to a screeching halt to say that my chin’s the work of a surgeon.

I’m due to replace my chin implant. I suppose I should find a plastic surgeon and have a consult.

Seriously. In this age of bathroom selfies, you’d think Windex would be the billion-dollar business.

Never, ever doubt a Burqueña’s ability in a fight.

Hey, look at that —preschool drama not unlike the preschool drama rocking Kid Electron’s small school in a inconsequential flyover city.

Mizon’s black snail cream. My sun damaged décolletage went from angry red to calm in three days. Viva Korean skin care products.