anothersplitatom
AnotherSplitAtom
anothersplitatom

This is out in the land of Breaking Bad, so we’re dealing with fallout from the Texas cheer culture.

There’s only one really daffy swim mom. We’ve all got kids in the guppy class. The younger ones are still struggling with putting their faces in the water, while the grizzled veterans (the five-year-olds) are learning how to float on their backs. Her daughter’s still afraid of getting her face wet. Doesn’t stop mom

Nope. The tiny princesses (barf) learn a combination of stunting and pom routines.

S’okay. You wouldn’t know it to look at her. She presents as the adorable-but-clumsy smarty pants. We encourage her to do as many physical activities as she likes (and for now, that’s running around in the backyard and swimming), but we are also trying to keep her out of the competition aspect, because she will not

My kid has very mild CP. She’s lucky that she can walk and use both of her arms, though she favorites her left. There are no gymnastics in her future.

Oh, believe me, I know, and I’m OK with it.

Both of them just had their birthdays in the last three weeks, yep. Brand new four-year-olds. But that mom (and others that I know) are adamant. Gotta get them into cheer now if we want them to be on the sidelines for some high school football game in twelve years.

It is bonkers. I’ve had a couple of the neighborhood moms tell me that if I don’t get her into the feeder all-star programs within the next couple of years, she’ll never have a chance to make a traveling squad or gasp! stand a chance to cheer in high school!

I’m super cheap. Swimming lessons are a fraction of the cost, and I only have to provide a suit, goggles and a towel? SOLD.

It’s straight up insanity. Kid Electron’s classmate started up with an all-star cheer program, and her mom’s been putting pressure on me to sign up Kid as well. It would cost more per month than her school tuition, and that’s not including the mandatory practice uniforms, two performance uniforms and assorted poms

I have never felt so old as I feel right now.

We’re in the process of looking for a new house, and I have been sooooo tempted by a few places which boasted two masters, or a masters and in-law suite. I adore Mr. Atom, but the idea of having a room of my own is amaaaaazing.

Hang on, there’s a service that’ll ship horse shit anywhere in the world?!

I felt bad that I had to dig through old emails to remember what time Kid Electron was born, and she’s only four.

I desperately wish there was a database of the late 199os/very early aughts couples so I could see if my favorites stayed together or split.

FUCKING SING IT.

Right?!

Christ. This is why I constantly narrate if I have my phone out in front of my daughter in public. “Oh, honey, I’m checking the shopping list to make sure we don’t need anything else,” or “Daddy just texted me to ask us to go run an errand,” or “I need to look at the map one last time before we leave,” because heaven

Thanks! I get “We don’t carry ‘skeleton with gin blossoms’” so this is a fantastic starting point.

But do they make a foundation that matches “Casper with Rosacea?”