Too early for the wine conversation! How's it going to look when I show up to work with wine lips, wine teeth and three sheets to the wind?

I always come away from these articles wondering if these people even have souls.

Hang on, have we seen this before? Because I swear I've read this list in the past.

@ceejeemcbeegee: When I was a beat reporter, I would only hold onto my notes for a year before they were destroyed.

@BiscuitDoughJones: Damn. Give her my best, yo. In this case, "my best" can be her alcoholic bevvie of choice and a bunch of garage sale dishes to break.

@vegemitekid: Thanks, and no worries. If we don't get a kid, we're packing up and moving to Melbourne next year.

@DinaRonson: No problem. And I should have added the bit where everyone assumes that adoptive parents are clueless and bumbling and aren't going to do everything in their power to immerse their child in the child's culture of origin. And then the bit where another poster will say something like: "Chinese. Opera.…

Oh, Jesus. Here we go. Do y'all mind if I just summarize the coming comments thread?

@girlscoutcookie: Me, too!

Quick! Transcript!

@ceejeemcbeegee: Oh, my house? Is just the size I need — how tragic is that? I don't have an extra 15,000 square feet of unused heated space. Sometimes I really hate myself.

@ceejeemcbeegee: Fun game! I want to play!

We've all got issues.

Some say his extreme fondness for enchiladas and tequila is the reason the Jetta plant was moved to Mexico, and that he only uses egg yolks and brake fluid to keep his hair so shiny and smooth. We only know him as The Stig.

God wants Diamond to get mud treatments the way He intended — garden hose + dusty patch = mud puddle bliss.

Dana Foley and Anna Corinna: the recession, let me show you it.

Happy birthday!

@rosasparks: He did hook up the A/C, but like hell am I planning his meals while I'm at work.

@Gretchen: Sing it!

@Skinny Bone Jones: I will always love you for that.