“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

Keeping your keys in car is a smart move. Nothing kills a party like some bartender confiscating them because youve had like 15 drinks or whatever

The way he grabbed those students were very unnecessary and unprofessional.

Would a bread bowl be considered a soup sandwich......?

It’s exactly these kinds of shenanigans that keep me from competing in Ironman events. That and a life of slothful lethargy and general ill health due to poor diet, plethoric bong hits and excessive alcohol intake. 

Mitch Hedberg already answered this.

, Francois has to do ... “avoid any criminal activity for a period of anywhere from three months to a year”

I feel bad for Khloe but...

Get out.

Why aren’t news stories in the US introduced by a cute cartoon kittie? This country sucks ass.

Hahaha.

United Airlines: “I’ll get you one there as soon as possible”

I’d say that they need a Golden Retriever.

All we need is an offense, and a defense, and some rule changes...

What a steal for the best QB in history!

That didn’t take a whole lot of convincing... but hey, you do you!

Man that is messed up, and right after he shoots Richie Incognito, I really think we need to take his guns away from him.

I’m sorry, I need more information about this poor man’s situation before I can offer any assistance.