Hahaha.

United Airlines: “I’ll get you one there as soon as possible”

I’d say that they need a Golden Retriever.

All we need is an offense, and a defense, and some rule changes...

What a steal for the best QB in history!

That didn’t take a whole lot of convincing... but hey, you do you!

Man that is messed up, and right after he shoots Richie Incognito, I really think we need to take his guns away from him.

I’m sorry, I need more information about this poor man’s situation before I can offer any assistance.

Easily one of the top ten swamp cities in Northeast Florida. 

The same two coaches who coached Aaron Hernandez are vouching for this guy. Hell of a character reference.

I met the guy who whacked my business partner at book club.

“As long as they have the proper permits.”

You can trace this problem directly to the day when people found out cats love lasagna.

How come Chris Rock can do a routine, and everybody finds it hilarious and groundbreaking, and then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint?

I used Apple Maps to get to the punchline...

Here’s to hoping Dale follows in the footsteps of his distant cousin Chris and pitches ABC on a sting show where he arranges to meet white supremacists and nationalists he meets online...

I served in the military during the Vietnam war, and my foot hurt too, but I served anyway.

Goddamnit Cleveland, you’re driving me bananas! *Freeze and credits*