Hahaha.

United Airlines: “I’ll get you one there as soon as possible”

I’d say that they need a Golden Retriever.

All we need is an offense, and a defense, and some rule changes...

What a steal for the best QB in history!

That didn’t take a whole lot of convincing... but hey, you do you!

Man that is messed up, and right after he shoots Richie Incognito, I really think we need to take his guns away from him.

I’m sorry, I need more information about this poor man’s situation before I can offer any assistance.

Easily one of the top ten swamp cities in Northeast Florida. 

The same two coaches who coached Aaron Hernandez are vouching for this guy. Hell of a character reference.

I met the guy who whacked my business partner at book club.

“As long as they have the proper permits.”

How come Chris Rock can do a routine, and everybody finds it hilarious and groundbreaking, and then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint?

I used Apple Maps to get to the punchline...

Here’s to hoping Dale follows in the footsteps of his distant cousin Chris and pitches ABC on a sting show where he arranges to meet white supremacists and nationalists he meets online...

I served in the military during the Vietnam war, and my foot hurt too, but I served anyway.

Goddamnit Cleveland, you’re driving me bananas! *Freeze and credits*

I’m not great at analyzing the numbers on this kind of deal, but I have to assume Fertitta got screwed because the team is already underwater!